doubt I’m alone in having fleeting thoughts of leaving my children in a basket
at a neighbor’s door, ringing the bell and then running away. As adorable as my
kids are, they have an annoying habit of making me feel as if I need to check
myself into a mental institution.
love my children to bits and pieces, but what keeps them from being evicted on
the days that I’m ready to sweep up their bits and pieces and deposit all of it
along with them in the trash is remembering these 14 things:
2. Sure, maybe I pick up after
my kids with the compulsion of Rain Man armed with a box of toothpicks, which
invariably leaves me with roughly the same amount of sanity of Jack Nicholson
in "The Shining." Soon, though, I’ll have my kids trained like Cinderella, which
will have me cackling more wickedly than the Witch of the West.
3. That look my 3-year-old gives
me when she first catches sight of me at preschool pickup.
4. My 6-year-old finally
understands she needs to hate her teacher, not me, for assigning her homework.
They know better than to be careless around my wine glass.
5. They now take showers instead
6. Little kids = more Halloween
7. They cuddle like they’re
8. Ding, dong! Barney, Caillou
and Dora are dead! Or at least my kids' infatuation with
them is O-V-E-R.
9. They figured out how to power
on the TV by themselves before the sun rises on weekend mornings.
10. They can now reach the snack
shelf in the pantry without assistance.
11. They know better than to be
careless around my wine glass.