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Texting Acronyms That Need to Exist for Moms

Image via Andrea Wada Davies

In a world full of LOLs, FMLs and emoticons, it’s easy to convey a mood or have full conversations using only a handful of letters and the kissy-face emoji (OK, and also the fist bump). Yes, acronyms are the 21st-century shorthand. And kids have adopted this language whole-heartedly. But perhaps we, as moms, would embrace the shortcuts more fully if they better conveyed our moods and thoughts. Here is a list of mom acronyms that I think really need to catch on.

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CI: Crying Inside

Sort of the opposite of Laughing Out Loud.

TTYWIGAPMTM: Talk to You When I Get a Precious Minute to Myself

Let’s be clear, this may mean I talk to you tomorrow at midnight or three months from now.

GGWAB: Gotta Go Wipe a Butt

Quick and precise ending the convo in an honest way. Can also pair with the poo emoji.

HSID: Haven’t Showered In Days

So you don’t have to wonder.

LMBWO: Laughing My Baby Weight Off

This means something is REALLY FUNNY, like your baby weight coming off easily. That’s funny.

BK: Before Kids

Used to mark an epoch of sanity and freedom and sleep.

WMSA: Where My Spanx At?

To be used when you’re feeling like, YEAH GURL, it’s time to get wild. I’m ready to party. At Target.

OOW: Out of Wine

This is an SOS. A cry for help.

MEAB: My Ears Are Bleeding

To communicate to someone that texting is best since the kids have punctured your eardrums with their Tasmanian Devil shrieks and their AWFUL renditions of “Let It Go.”

CYCTSIIL: Can You Check to See If I’m Leaking

Don’t want to have write that one out. The emphasis here is urgency.

FS: Frozen Status

As in “Frozen,” the movie. To indicate that something has driven you to the edge, to the point of insanity, even tears.

SMMTDY: Sorry My Muffin Top Dialed You

No need to call me back.

SHTCMHAB: Sorry Have to Cancel, My Hemorrhoids Are Back

This text is usually answered with another acronym, OMG! Or no response. Awkward.

HSNTM: Husband Sitting Next to Me

So I can’t bitch about him anymore. Also, don’t send me any Ryan Gosling memes for a minute.

WWKRD: What Would Kelly Ripa Do?

Half joking, half but really, what would Kelly Ripa do? She has her mom shit together.

IBPTHD: In Bathroom Pretending to Have Diarrhea

This indicates that mama can’t talk right now because she’s pretending to have explosive bowel movements so she can enjoy a few minutes of alone time. This also means an audible grunt every so often just to be really convincing.

HACMD: Hard as a Clogged Milk Duct

As in going HACMD on someone. This is being so much harder than HAAMF (Hard as a Mofo).

CIO: Crying It Out

And this does not mean the baby.

FOAP: Fear of Accidentally Peeing

It’s a legitimate fear, really.

TLSRN: Toddler Losing Shit Right Now

Status update.

143

Or, the number of times I’ve heard "MOM!” today.

HIMCECB: Hiding in My Closet Eating Candy Bars

Example: "WYD? (What you doing?)" "HIMCECB"

IMCO: In My Correct Opinion

I birthed a baby from my lady parts. I deserve to always be right.

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NSFP: Not Safe For Playground

I’m about to send you the "Magic Mike XXL" trailer.

GTTT: Getting Tubes Tied Tomorrow

Haha. Just kidding. Sort of.

DFWM: Don’t F With Me

You should know better than to mess with a mama.

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