When your toddler turns into a preschooler and you start experimenting with playdates (otherwise known as a fantasy that moms of babies have of passing their children off to someone else they don't have to pay), it can go one of two ways:
1. You're the playdate host, which means it's your job to wipe the other kid's boogers and give in to peanut butter and fluff sandwiches to make them stop crying.
2. Your kid goes to her friend's house, which means you're leaving your precious child in the care of another.
When it's the other mom's turn to host, it seemed like a good idea at the time, and then you shut the front door with your kid inside her friend's house while you walk slowly back to your car, wondering:
1. Will she be OK without me?
Or will me leaving her in someone's home give her a lifelong fear of abandonment? Maybe this whole playdate thing is a bad idea.
2. Will she miss me too much?
Alright, well, maybe she was all good when I walked out the door, but what happens when she realizes I'm not coming right back? Will she survive? Will I?
3. Will she choke?
Wet her pants? Lose a tooth? What if the kids play outside and she gets hit by a car because no one's watching her closely enough? Will she be down and out in the street with a broken leg wondering where I am? How much is this going to cost me in psychotherapy?
4. What will I do with all this free time?
Aside from twiddling my thumbs, that is.
I could get used to this.
5. Is it possible I could squeeze in a trip to the supermarket before I have to go back and pick her up?
If I skip the deli department and just go for the basics, I might be able to make it back to her in time. Oh, wait. She's not with me; this errand won't take me the better part of a week to complete.
6. Could it be that I also have enough time to get a cup of coffee?
A latte, even? And in an actual mug, not a to-go paper cup?
7. And a breakfast sandwich?
On a plate. While I'm sitting down. Reading a newspaper. Today's paper.
8. If I go for a walk and take my cell phone, I'll get good enough reception to receive a text from the kid's mom if my daughter isn't OK, right?
True, I will be far away from my car, but if I haven't heard from her by now, chances are decent that if they do text me, I'll be closer to home by then. Right? Right?
9. So this is what the couch feels like when you have it all to yourself.
I have to go pick her up, right? Like, it wouldn't be cool if I didn't, even though she's probably having so much fun she doesn't even want to come home and it probably makes it easier on her friend's mom when she's there because they have each other to play with, right?