Baby, I know a lot has changed since the days when it
was just us. I think you know that you're an awesome father to our 3-year-old twins. But just in case I haven't told you, here are the things that I
notice and love.
1. How when the twins were babies you "taught school"
to them, which included ringing a school bell at the start of class.
2. You instill a love of reading. There's not a week
that goes by that you don't come home at night with a Barnes & Noble bag
containing the next book in a favorite series.
3. And that you call upon our days on the boards by assigning
us roles to read during story time.
4. And put up with listening to my varied array of British
dialects in "Spot Says Please."
9. That you make observations about the sex lives of
cartoon characters. (And yes, I do think the Man with the Yellow Hat is "giving
it to" Professor Wiseman).
10. How you teach our boy to make pancakes with you
11. That you don't have any vices that some women have
to worry about fucking up their families over. You're pretty straight-laced. I
mean, you could be right at this very moment direct messaging Sydney Leathers on Twitter (but probably not).
12. That every day you drop our kids off at preschool
you tell them they are brave and strong.
13. That you're not squeamish in the emergency room.
14. That you indulge my requests to come talk to me
while I take a bath.
15. That you see the humor in trying to find our daughter
in the room once she's fallen asleep (most recently UNDER her bed).
16. How you eagerly consume all of my heathy recipes
containing kale and broccoli rabe.
17. When you come home and say, "Let's order in quesadillas."
18. How you jerked off in a small laboratory room to
bad '80s porn on a VCR so we could make our beautiful children.
19. And agreed to spend all of the money we had to
20. How you can make me laugh when I'm frustrated with
this parenting thing.
21. For example when I yelled at our daughter, "I'm
tired of your potty-training escapades," and you instantly pulled up "Escapade"
by Janet Jackson on your phone.
22. How you've embraced your roll of Dad by (unironically)
taking me to a Cristopher Cross concert.
23. And that you traded in your cut up heavy metal T-shirts for shitty suits from Men's Wearhouse so you could start a business from
nothing which grew and now keeps our whole crazy operation running.
24. That at the end of a hard day, you relax by
watching the "Stossel" show.
25. That we can reminisce about the adventures we had
traveling and that by their first birthday our kids had passports.
26. That one day I will tell the kids how you wrote my
father a letter asking to marry me.