The hubs and I are about to celebrate our 10-year wedding anniversary. When I got married, I thought honesty was the key to a happy marriage. Now, after 10 years, I'm not so sure. Of course I always want to be honest about the big stuff, and I want my husband to do the same. But when it comes to the little things, I think there's a delicate balance between telling the truth and telling the whole truth.
So when it comes to tight jeans, mothers-in-law and the quality of my cooking, I'm not sure honesty is always the right way to go. So here's how to be honest, without ending up in divorce court. You're welcome.
He Should Answer: "I really like those other jeans you wore the other day."
It's an unfair question because you already know they make you look fat or you wouldn't be asking. And he knows they make you look fat because he's not a blind man. So he should tell you the truth without crushing your soul by suggesting what does look good on you rather than what doesn't. And you shouldn't ask if you don't want him to tell you the truth.
You Ask: "How did you like dinner? I tried something new."
He Should Answer: Never, ever under any circumstances should he tell you he hated the salmon soup you made from scratch or the quinoa cookies you made in batches. Unless he wants to do the cooking, his answer should always be, "Amazing. Thanks for taking the time." And if you make quinoa cookies again and notice he didn't have one, it's safe to assume he politely hated them. Don't make them again and save yourself the trouble.
You Ask: "What do you think of my mother?"
He Should Answer: Whatever he wants, but not the truth. Unless the truth is that your mother is a delightful, kind, low-maintenance woman who fills every day with sunshine. Because even if you agree, you're never going to forgive him for insulting the woman who gave you life.
You Ask: "Was it good for you?"
He Should Answer: I always feel like anyone asking how sex was knows it wasn't good. So if he says it was great when it wasn't, he might be stuck with a lifetime of mediocre sex. And if he tells the blunt truth, you may not be that inclined to get back on the horse (pun intended.) But since bad sex can lead to a bad marriage, he should tell the polite truth. That means suggesting some fun changes without pointing fingers.
You Ask: "Do you like my new haircut?"
He Should Answer: Anything but, "What new haircut?"
You Ask: "Do you think I'm as pretty as Gisele?"
He Should Answer: Who's Gisele?
You Ask: "Do you think my best friend is prettier than me?"
He Should Answer: "I think you're beautiful" and leave it at that. And hopefully he's telling the truth. Who wants to be married to guy who doesn't think you're beautiful?
You Ask: "Do I look the same as before I had the baby?"
He Should Answer: "You look different, but even better." Because even if your tummy is a little softer or your hips are a little wider, hopefully in his eyes you do look better now that you've birthed his child and created life out of your vagina.
He Should Answer: He shouldn't answer except to tell you you're nuts for asking. Why? Why? Why would you ask? And if he does answer yes, chances are you've got some more important honest conversations to have.