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How to Freeze a Big Batch of Spaghetti in 137 Easy Steps

Making food ahead of time and freezing it for future use has always been popular with moms; the idea of having homemade frozen dinners on hand, ready to pop in the oven while you get back to helping with homework (or scrolling through Facebook, whatever) appeals to everyone. From exhausted new moms who just got home from the hospital with their bundles of joy, all the way up to exhausted veteran moms of forever-starving teenagers, who doesn't appreciate a way to streamline dinner?

One of the main challenges of living this mealtime utopia, however, is finding something everyone in your family likes enough to make in bulk. Most moms and dads have a few go-to family recipes they make weekly, and nearly everyone puts spaghetti in their regular rotation. Why not make a bunch at once so it's ready to reheat for dinner on a hectic evening, or for a no-fuss lunch?

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Once you select something to make, though, you stumble into the next main challenge: following through. The trouble with being too busy to make dinner every night is that you're also too busy to plan ahead! That's where this handy guide comes in—just follow these 137 simple steps, and you'll have enough spaghetti to feed your family for months (which, incidentally, is the quantity of spaghetti that most people make accidentally anyway).

1. Before cooking, purchase enough ground beef to form an actual cow.

2. Prepare to make spaghetti; realize you forgot to buy noodles.

3. Place beef in freezer, where it will become a giant brick.

4. Purchase pasta on your next trip to the grocery.

5. The day before making spaghetti, transfer beef brick to fridge for thawing.

6. Thawing will probably not happen fast enough, so go ahead and try to brown the ground beef while it's still a meatberg.

7. By now, the tomatoes you bought have turned into furry fungus farms. Search cabinets for jars of sauce.

8. Decide that Ragu's expiration date is just a suggestion; your beef brick is almost cooked (aside from the still-icy center), and the sad truth is your kids probably weren't going to appreciate your sauce's organic vegetables and fresh basil anyway. SO UNGRATEFUL.

9. Pour a glass of wine.

10. Using every pot, pan, baking dish and mixing bowl in the house, prepare 87 metric tons of spaghetti.

Reassure family that you, too, might be getting a teeny bit tired of spaghetti, but that they need to SUCK IT UP.

11. Mentally prepare to find sauce splatters on various kitchen surfaces for next few years.

12. Serve spaghetti for dinner; freeze extra for future "easy" meals. Smile smugly about how clever you are. Yeah.

13. Serve spaghetti regularly for a few weeks. Listen as family claims to be "tired of spaghetti." Dismiss complaints.

14. Take break, then renew efforts to force family into eating remaining spaghetti that you so lovingly prepared in advance.

15. Reassure family that you, too, might be getting a teeny bit tired of spaghetti, but that they need to SUCK IT UP because you've only just scratched the surface of your spaghetti stockpile.

16. Pour more wine.

17-133. Repeat steps 13 through 15.

134. Months later, pull small snowman from freezer only to realize it's actually three portions of severely freezer-burned spaghetti.

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135. Reheat spaghetti that night.

136. Admit, as family points out, that it tastes vaguely of dirty ice and stale baking soda.

137. Order pizza.

Image via Twento20/wendybader

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