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31 Questions From My Kid I Was Totally Unprepared For

I grew up a curious child who annoyed a lot of people with my questions. I remember a pastor telling me not to think too hard when I asked him about the nature of God and lightness and darkness. Then he patted my head and ate a sandwich. I recall my mom sighing in frustration and taking me to the library, where we looked up the answer to why you can see the moon during the day. Once, my father took me to the zoo just so we could find out what exactly a mountain goat said.

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As a result, I believed when I became a parent that I would honestly answer every question my children had. I prepared early for questions about sex and the body and how babies come out. But I didn't prepare for the other questions, like why my face is so old. Here are 31 questions my 4-year-old has asked me that have baffled me, made me scared and maybe even made me cry a little.

1. What is wrong with your face? It looks old.

2. Why is time?

3. Why is grass grass?

4. Is today the day you will die?

5. When you die, can I watch?

6. What if you hit the neighbor with the car? I know you aren't going to, but what if?

7. What if my brother was a dead bug?

8. Can I make my skin black?

9. Why is your hair brown instead of golden and pretty like mine?

10. Why do you wear old pants?

11. Why was our car not made in America?

12. Why do you hit daddy on the butt all the time?

13. Can I hit people on the butt?

14. Why is your book not done yet? I made three books today.

15. Why do you make yucky food all the time?

16. What is an hour?

17. What is a minute?

18. What is a second?

19. Why is a second a second and not a poopypoop?

20. Why do you say mean words when you drive?

21. Are Cheetos your favorite food?

22. Why did you eat all of the Cheetos?

23. If people make things out of animals, can I make things out of people?

24. If I am a princess, where are all my horses?

25. Why do you smell stinky all the time?

26. If spit is gross, why do people kiss?

27. Why doesn't anybody name their kid Window?

28. If you lose your phone, will you die?

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29. Is the neighbor a witch?

30. Why did my brother hex me?

31. Can your face not be so old all the time?

Photo via Lyz Lenz

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