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20 Signs You’re a Yoga-Obsessed Mom

Photograph by Twenty20

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that yoga chills us moms the fuck out. It's all those down dogs and forward bends that don't involve picking up Legos. The deep breaths , om's and Shavasanas are better than Ativan. Let's not forget a full 90 minutes of whine-free silence.

No wonder mom's become addicted to yoga after a few hits. It doesn't hurt that yoga-loving celeb moms like Christy Turlington, Gisele Bundchen, Alessandra Ambrosio and Jessica Alba keep us forever inspired with their post baby nature-defying bodies.

As a former yoga instructor, current fitness teacher and recovering yogi junkie, I can spot the telltale signs of a mom hooked on the good stuff from a mile away. I call them Ashmoms.

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I chatted with my longtime yoga-teaching mom friend Teigh McDonough Gibson of Swerve about this. She offered that "practicing Yoga strengthens not only the body, but also ones connection to the infinite well of peace within. In the challenge and chaos that comes with Motherhood, this is paramount. (And had more lasting results than a glass of wine)."

We agreed that there is nothing wrong with seeking infinite peace within. But yoga devotees are not immune to the material traps of a yoga life-style.

#ashmom, Illustration by Emily Wagner

1. You live in yoga pants, flip flops and wear mandala bead bracelets and necklaces.

2. You sleep in your yoga clothes so you're ready for class in the morning.

3. You spend no less than $200 on every yoga outfit.

4. You fantasize about your yoga instructor during sex.

5. You own 30 yoga DVDs and counting.

6. You sustain a neck injury obsessing over the perfect a headstand.

7. You pass up kid's recital or event to go to your favorite yoga class.

8. You get to class 45 minutes early to make sure you secure "your spot."

9. You can't stop talking about your instructor.

10. You try to be best friends with your instructor.

11.You try to have sex with instructor.

12. You break up your marriage over instructor.

13. You emulate how your instructor dresses, play their music and eat whatever craze they are into: raw, vegan, gluten-free, micro, macro, paleo.

14. You get weekly pedicure so your toes look perfect in class.

15. You only listen to Krishna Das in the car.

15. Your house is decorated in tapestries from Govinda.

16. You got certified to teach with no intention of teaching but because you need to know more than everyone in class.

17. You have incense burning all the time at home.

18. You stink of patchouli oil, offending everyone at the playground.

19. You spend family vacation money to take off, solo, for a yoga retreat to the rain forest with your latest yoga crush.

20. You max your credit card on yoga series at all the most expensive studios in town.

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If you've said yes to more than three of these, it may be time to take a little chill pill, lay off the om's and try adding some yang to your yin. Like spinning. But proceed with caution. One revolution on a bike at Soul Cycle and you'll be spending your kid's tuition to feed your sweaty habit.

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