Halloween is fast approaching and more important than having just any Halloween costume is having a totally unique Halloween costume. With that in mind, I present five exceedingly outside-the-box, ultra-timely Halloween costumes for little trick-or-treaters who revel In being spunky little iconoclasts.
Warning: Offense will be taken.
This is another costume that requires acting and attitude as well as some simple props. The idea is for your pint-sized faux-Millennial to make it through an entire night of trick- or-treating without ever once looking up from their iPhone or iPad or making eye contact with anyone or anything other than their beloved personal electronics.
If your li'l pretend Millennial must look at anything other than their phone, it should be to take a series of selfies with their selfie stick (which they then post to Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, Facebook and, just for nostalgia's sake, Myspace) and for extra bonus points, your li'l Millennial should Snapchat the entire experience, complete with a plethora of ironic, tongue-in-cheek captions.
With Star Wars mania reaching a fever pitch in anticipation of "Star Wars: The Force Awakens," Star Wars costumes are destined to be ubiquitous this Halloween season. You're sure to see a bunch of little Jedis and Stormtroopers perambulating about in search of candy, but it's much less likely you'll see many children dressed as Jar Jar Binks, the reviled comic relief from "Star Wars: The Phantom Menace."
This is particularly true of the new "Extra-Racist Jar Jar Binks Costume," which doubles down on the horribly racist, stereotypical elements of this widely reviled figure. In addition to a freakishly detailed, realistic Jar Jar Binks mask, this costume comes with a sound button that says one of the following phrases:
"Mesa too lazy to work on the space plantation! Instead mesa nap all day and collect space-welfare!"
"Even in Outer Space, the Confederate Flag is about pride, not prejudice, heritage, not hate"
"Mesa think Minstrel Shows were a misunderstood phenomenon that should be resurrected!"
Yes, the Extra-Racist Jar Jar Binks somehow makes a character that's already pretty much the worst even more deplorable and unforgivable. But, hey, George Lucas still thinks he's funny, and that man is borderline Kevin Feige-like in his uncanny powers.
The idea is for your pint-sized faux-Millennial to make it through an entire night of trick- or-treating without ever once looking up from their iPhone or iPad or making eye contact with anyone or anything other than their beloved personal electronics.
3. Parent Whose Brain Will Explode If They Hear "Let It Go" One More Time
You're likely to see all sorts of kids dressed as "Frozen" characters this Halloween. You'll see little girls dressed as Elsa and little boys dressed as Olaf. So why not swim against the tide and portray a real-life figure inextricably intertwined with the cult of "Frozen": The Parent Whose Brain Will Explode If They Hear "Let It Go" Even One More Time.
This is a costume that requires some acting and attitude; it's essential for your little one to have a deeply pained expression when around anything "Frozen"-related (which shouldn't be tough, given all the costumes they're likely to encounter) and a fierce temper primed to explode if they're in the same vicinity as the Oscar-winning smash we all know by heart and many of us wish would disappear permanently—even if we liked the song the first million times we heard it.
4. Marvel President Kevin Feige
Marvel is pretty much running pop culture these days, so don't be surprised if you go out trick-or-treating with your little superhero and spy all manner of pint-sized versions of iconic heroes like The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America, Nick Fury—the man whose superpower is apparently the ability to rock an eyepatch—and that guy who is really good at shooting arrows.
These are all pretty boring, predictable ideas for costumes. I mean, what little boy doesn't want to be a superhero? That's why you can stand out and make your child a real life superhero by having him make the rounds as Marvel President Kevin Feige. Feige may not have been bitten by a radioactive spider or turn into a giant green rage-monster every time he gets angry, but he has accomplished something even more impressive than saving the world and defeating super-villains: In his guise as a 42-year-old executive with a weak chin and receding hairline, this superhero of capitalism has, over the course of a mere 15 years, produced movies that have made nearly ten billion dollars!
So while Iron Man might think he's something special with his vast personal fortune, roguish facial hair and fantastical fight-suits, he's really answering to Feige, the boss of bosses where Marvel is concerned.
As Republican Presidential candidates such as Ben Carson can attest, nothing is scarier than the prospect of the government grotesquely overreaching its powers by limiting and regulating the public's access to high-powered killing machines. No Frankenstein's Monster, werewolf or vampire is more terrifying to Second Amendment absolutists than the prospect of common-sense gun control.
So why not terrify these sensitive souls by dressing up as their worst nightmare? Dress up little Johnny or Susie in a brown shirt and vaguely Fascist uniform with a black arm band reading "Obama's Official Li'l Gun Confiscators." Upon reaching each new house, your tot will say, "Trick or Treat!" followed immediately by, "Actually, we're here to collect your guns so that our glorious leader can declare martial law and hand the country over to his Muslim Kenyan Overlords. And Osama Bin Laden, who we only pretended to kill, but is actually our real leader."
This will give these Second Amendment lovers the fright of their lives, but there is a very real possibility that these folks might shoot your child in fear and rage, so while exceedingly edgy, you might want to be a little cautious about experimenting with this costume, especially in red states.
So there you have it: five audacious Halloween costume ideas that may get you kicked out of your community and ostracized by society, but at least they will do so in style.