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Expectation vs. Reality: What Moms Really Do With Their Day 'Off'

Photograph by Twenty20

We dream about it. We plan for it. We sell our souls to make it happen. I’m talking, of course, about that elusive Day Off Without Our Kids. But what really happens when we finally manage to escape for a little bit of “me time”? More often than not, the fantasy doesn’t really line up with the reality.

Don’t stop trying, though—we believe in you.

EXPECTATION: I’m going to the spa to have a facial, soak in the jacuzzi and lounge around for hours in an expensive thick robe that I would never buy for myself. Bliss, here I come!

REALITY: The baby has a cough, I’m too tired to leave the house so I ended up crying in the shower, smearing Ponds on my face and laying around in my Target pajamas. I’m about to get all over you, mattress.

EXPECTATION: We’re going to finally have that date night. Dinner out at our favorite restaurant, stimulating conversation and then hot sex. It’ll be like a scene out of one of the “Fifty Shades” movies!

REALITY: The sitter cancelled, so we’re eating takeout on the kitchen counter. We’re trying to get a word in edgewise while the toddler sings all the most annoying songs from "Caillou" and the baby fills his diaper in his high chair. It’s looking like a scene out of one of the "National Lampoon" movies.

EXPECTATION: I’m finally going to join a gym. I have a cute new workout outfit and I’m ready to make that treadmill my bitch. GO ME!

REALITY: Man, that playdate really took it out of me. Who needs a gym when I can just put on my cute new outfit and do some leg lifts on the couch? Wait, there’s a new episode of “Game of Thrones” on now?

EXPECTATION: Time to catch up on the culture I’ve missed for the past three years. First the museum, then a classical concert, then a bookstore to hoard some knowledge. I’ll be a regular Leonardo DaVinci by midnight.

REALITY: The husband was called into work, so I had to take the kids with me. It wasn’t fun being asked to leave the museum. It’s as if they’d never seen anyone have a tantrum on a Byzantine statue before. Screw them. Culture is so overrated.

EXPECTATION: Time for a crazy girls’ night out. Getting my hair and nails done and then go for too many margaritas with my besties. Wait for my selfies.

REALITY: Everyone cancelled on me. The baby’s colicky and I never combed my hair. I hate everyone. Wait for my selfies.

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