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Yup, It Happened to Me: My Kid Walked in on Us Doing the Deed

Photograph by Twenty20

The hubs and I are hell-bent on keeping the old sexual spirit alive in this house. The problem is, we have kids! And as you know because you have kids, too, they're are always hovering, needing, waking up when you thought they were napping, getting sick when they were just healthy and other annoying things also known as parental sexual buzzkills. So, we’ve tried to work around those intrusive people that live in our house in the hopes of keeping our sex life alive.

Sometimes that means getting strategic and taking advantage of a toddler’s nap time or a TV-watching kid to get some alone time with one another. It took me a long time to get comfortable having sex knowing my kids were awake in the house, but the hubs went to the "Hey they’re busy watching iPads" school of parenting. In an effort to try to be one of those flexible go-with-anything kind of moms—which is not my nature at all—I agreed.

So, one afternoon, while the kids were heavily occupied iPadding it up with “Moana,” the hubs and I tiptoed upstairs, slipped under the covers and got busy.

Our youngest, however, is one of those quiet walkers. It’s like living with a ghost. She just appears in the room with no heavy footstep to warn us.

I also froze and responded, “We’re playing Naked Statue,” as if that’s a game.

Without any warning or time to come up with a cover story (or get back under the covers), there appeared my youngest child, as if she had just floated into the room.

“What are you guys playing?” she asked.

My husband froze, leaving me to come up with a cover story.

I also froze and responded, “We’re playing Naked Statue.” As if that’s a game.

“Ooh, sounds fun," she said with a funny look on her face. I knew she knew something wasn’t right but was grateful she didn’t pursue the matter further. I mentally prayed that she wouldn’t ask to play, too. Thankfully, she didn’t. Instead, she asked for a snack and said she was bored.

“I’ll be downstairs in a minute,” I told her. She floated out of the room just as stealthily as she had entered the room. Needless to say, the mood had been ruined for me.

While my husband and I still laugh about getting walked in on, I’m still scarred from the experience. The next day, I had a lock installed on our bedroom door and I just pray my kiddo doesn’t go to school and tell her friends that her mom and dad like to play a fun game called Naked Statue.

Then I’ll really have some explaining to do.

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