Yeah, so, I'm 39. And I'm dealing with real life problems just like everyone else whose married and has kids (I've got three). But sometimes, when I should probably be doing something about those kids, that marriage, I watch YouTube instead, especially tutorials about hair and makeup.
I also spend wife/mom time thinking things like how I wish Free People had a section for clothes that are appropriate for women over 35. Because I love you, Free People, and have since I was 16. But my body is no longer 16.
Anyway, when not mediating, exercising, binge-eating and drinking to combat the real life stuff, I also like to daydream I'm a hip dude. My kids go to school in Hollywood and the moms are exactly what you're thinking: cool. Like rock 'n' roll cool. Like, I just rolled out of bed in this, man, cool.
One of my best friends, who is 47, tells me I'm still young enough to dye my hair pink if I want to. Eh. I sort of disagree. But we do agree there's this age where you can't do the funky shit until you hit, like 60. Then you can go all out, which is definitely my plan. My good friend Kate, who's from Iowa, and I promised each other we would smoke cigars when we hit that age, and she said she was planning on winking at people a lot.
I'm ready for my sixties while also embracing the few years I apparently have left before I have to go on the funky trends hiatus. All that to say, I tried out four trends and then stepped in front some tough Hollywood critics (my family). Here's how it went:
1. Beach waves
I tried to curl my hair into soft beachy waves. It's a thing, and I see it everywhere and how hard could it be?
Pretty hard. I burned my neck.
My husband said that I looked "matronly" which made it all burn even worse. My 5-year-old said he loved my hair "the normal way," which is in a bun on top of my head.
My girlfriends loved the look.
Though many peers asked what was on my neck, and I assured them it was not a hickey. (I mean, clearly, after being with the same person for 16 years that doesn't happen.) I don't care if my husband doesn't like my beachy waves, I'll continue getting them done but just at a blowout bar, where I'll fork over a well deserved $40 plus tip. They last awhile with some dry shampoo.
2. Complicated makeup
I skipped the self-study on this one and went straight to The Grove in Hollywood, while my kids were at school. The whole time I thought, "Please don't let another mom see me getting my makeup done." I strategically picked out The Mac store, because it's smaller and more private then the Nordstrom.
A friend at school said I looked beautiful. I immediately told her I had my makeup done at the mall. We laughed.
I hoped she'd still be my friend.
My family did not notice my makeup at all. When I pressed, my husband he said he thought I looked "fine." This was a hard one to get an answer about.
I really liked it and am excited for my makeup to arrive. I bought a bunch after watching a YouTube tutorial by a young woman named Nikki. She makes it look easy. Is it easy?
The next trend I tried were fake reading glasses. I picked a pair up and put them on while driving all three kids home from school. At first no one said a word, then I asked them what they thought.
My oldest boy: "You look so weird."
My middle boy: "Horrible."
When we got home, my husband just shook his head and started smiling.
"Well, what do you think?"
He said, "You look like you are about to go to work in a metal smith company and are going to protect your eyes from flying shards."
When I was 22, I bought glasses for interviews to appear smarter. I so want glasses but my eyesight is still raring to go. I honestly felt like a creepy truck driver in them, and I was mortified at the thought of someone asking me if I was near- or far-sighted.
4. Youthful fashion
Lastly, I tried out a pair of overalls. From my beloved Free People. I walked out and, immediately, my oldest, my 9-year-old boy said, "Uh, those would be OK, if you were 17!"
My husband actually looked at them and surprised the hell out of me by saying they were "OK."
I think they accentuated some areas he approves of. I mean I'm a '90s girl. I LIVED in overalls. I deserve these overalls. I'm keeping them.
I've seen moms wear them at school. Granted, they swagger with confidence in them. I might give that a shot, not sure.
So what's the lesson, pushing 40 and getting in on young people's trends? Not sure of that either. I'm probably not keeping with all of them for now.