I'm not one to shy away from a good new-fashioned conversation about what modern marriage looks like. I appreciate that men think nothing of being stay-at-home dads these days and that men don't think we should roll out a red carpet for them if they do some chores around the house or take their own kid grocery shopping.
My own husband has been a stay-at-home dad for a time in our marriage, regularly does work around the house and has taken a child or four out for grocery shopping, even though, I admit it, he always does get a parade from the little old ladies when that happens. (Eye roll.)
But still, when push comes to shove I am entirely guilty of piling on the husband guilt, subconsciously or not, about how much I do around here. You know, pulling the ol' mom martyr card?
The truth is, I am way more likely to count up everything I do every day to keep this household running while entirely looking over everything my husband does behind the scenes that I don't have to think twice about.
Mowing the lawn? Nope, I don't do it.
I am a full-on feminist who demands equal workload—except when it snows and our driveway needs to be shoveled.
Taking out the trash? I've done it precisely once and then totally patted myself on the back for "helping" my husband out like a good little wife.
Rescuing me every time I've gotten our car stuck or accidentally ran into a tree? Yup, more times than I would like to admit.
I mean, let's be real. I am a full-on feminist who demands equal workload—except when it snows and our driveway needs to be shoveled and I'm hiding under the blankets watching "Fuller House."
Yeah, I did that and I'm not exactly proud of it. But it just goes to show that sometimes I need a little reminder to focus on what my husband does do, instead of what he doesn't do.
I'll be the first to encourage husbands and wives to have more open and honest conversations about how they can work together at home and in parenting because I do fully believe that working as a team is important. And I know that I am a much happier and fulfilled wife and mother when I know my husband is an equal partner and not just someone along for the ride who I should have to tell what to do.
But I also know that teamwork doesn't always mean "equal" work. We do different things around the house and for our family, and it's not fair for me to overlook the very important work that he does that I have nothing to do with.