I get a real kick thinking back at my idealistic pre-baby self and musing over my parenting fantasies. I had big dreams about
the things I wouldn't do for my kids once they were of a certain age to do them for themselves. It's all especially humorous because I now break every single vow on a daily basis. Here's how:
1. I get
them dressed once they were old enough to do it themselves
When we're in the morning rush to school, I have no problem dragging them into the
kitchen and dressing them with one hand while making lunch with the other.
Unfortunately, as much as I scream "pick your
towels up!" if they don't it, you bet your ass I don't leave them piling up in a wet heap. Yup, like a well-trained retriever, I
pick them up.
When I'm on a busy line at Chipotle and the server behind glass is
asking my painfully shy kids what they want to eat and all they do is stare at the floor, catatonic, you're damn
straight I'm ordering their meal.
their homework to them to make it go faster
Yup, guilty as charged. When Aria
is on her second hour of homework and I need to get to my own work, I'm reading
those wordy, boring social studies paragraphs like nobody's biz.
5. Tell them what to say to the bratty friend who's bugging them
Yeah, I chime in and say, "so and so is an
asshole and this is exactly what you might want to say to them. I mean, what you have to say to them."