I was filling a large pile of new patient paperwork recently in order to see a doctor about some back issues I am experiencing. The first question I had to answer was whether my condition is the result of an automobile accident or workers' compensation injury.
The answer is no. Not the back issues. But plenty of other things would qualify, if only moms could file workers' comp claims.
I know a woman whose baby broke her rib in utero by kicking her so hard. And then there's childbirth itself. We all know our bodies are never the same again.
What about when the kids are older, and you get the accidental elbow to the face? Step on a Lego on the floor? Walk into a wall in the middle of the night trying to get to your crying child (I'm not the only one who has done that, right)?
There was the time my child gave me a concussion. That seems to be a theme, but it’s not the only type of child-inflicted injury. There are many ways moms can get hurt "on the job." It just comes with the territory. Sooner or later, your sweet little bundle of joy is going to cause you bodily harm. Here are some comments from other moms, putting in for their anonymous claims:
“I'm pretty sure my kid gave me a concussion when she was about 3. She was jumping to me from the side of the pool and smacked me right above my left eyebrow with her head. I actually saw stars, and felt faint and nauseated, so we went home. But it never occurred to me that it probably was a concussion until she had one herself a couple of years ago. I still have a bump on the bone where she hit me.”
I had to keep working in those deplorable conditions while being exposed to all kinds of bodily fluids.
“I was putting my son in his carseat, and he was resisting. He was flailing and kicked me in the chest. I lost my balance and fell, striking my head on the concrete garage floor. Went to the ER but, miraculously, I didn't have a concussion.”
“I crushed a finger collapsing a stroller—it got stuck in the hinge and then locked shut—one of those mega three-way strollers. A stranger in the parking lot had both band aids and an ice pack in his car. Went to the ER with an infant and a preschooler. Needed a bandage, splint and tetanus shot.”
“Lower back injury from the innocent hug that turned into unsuspecting full-body drop.”
“My son smacked me across the face with a plaque off the wall and gave me a black eye when he was about a year old. When he was around 2, he pulled the car out of gear while I was standing next to it. I was knocked down by the door and my leg got run over.”
“Other than destroying the smooth contours of my tummy and my breasts? (JK) My now über mellow 21-year-old reared his tantrum prone 18-month-old baby head into my face and broke my nose. Two black eyes.”
“I was standing outside barefoot watching Kidlet peddling her two-wheel bike for the first time. She accidentally ran over my foot and broke my baby toe. Wasn't much to do for it, so I just taped it to the next toe over and went on.”
“I was playing airplane with my 6-month-old daughter when my neck gave out. I couldn't move. I was trapped on my floor and had to call my husband to come home, because I seriously couldn't move.”
Eye strain searching for a (expletive) Polly Pocket shoe.
“Tennis elbow from holding my son upright while feeding his bottles to prevent spit up. It was soooooo painful for like three months. I could barely lift him, but did I get time off? No I did not. I had to keep working in those deplorable conditions while being exposed to all kinds of bodily fluids.”
“I hand wash our dishes, and I am currently healing from a drinking glass exploding while I was wiping it out. I should have had stitches, but I just kept thinking about how annoying it would be to drag two toddlers to the ER.”
“Eye strain searching for a (expletive) Polly Pocket shoe.”
OK, that one might be a stretch, but LOL!
Dads aren’t immune from the parent “work” hazards, either. Just ask this guy:
“My then 4-year-old son poked his dad in the eye by accident and scratched his cornea, which is apparently extremely painful. He had an eye patch for a week.”
The truth is, there is no workers' comp program for parents. But while there are risks involved, the benefits are many. And we wouldn't trade this "job" for anything.
We just wish it came with fewer surprise Legos on the floor.