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20 Moms Confess What Their Kids Do That Drives Them Crazy

Photograph by Twenty20

I consider myself a pretty low-key mom. I let my kids take their snacks all over the house, I don't mind it when they pull the cushions off the couch or even fill bags with toys and toss them all over the house while playing pirate (the bags are their treasure, obviously). But the moment they start sticking their feet under the living room rug, I lose it.

Maybe it's because I really love my rug; it's blue with a big cream-colored medallion pattern. I bought it two years ago on sale and I get so many compliments on it. Or maybe I'm just kidding myself. Maybe I'm not that low-key and maybe all those other things really bother me and I'm just repressing them and repressing them until I see feet under the rug and just snap.

I spoke to other moms about that one little thing that their kids do that push them over the edge. Before you read, I would like to give you a trigger warning: This post may raise your blood pressure and make you laugh but also cry. Read with hard liquor.

1. "Taking sheets and blankets and rigging up forts, securing the edges by closing them into dresser drawers, which I taught them to do." – Katie Shenk Hajolian

2. "We have a walk-through bathroom that becomes party central as soon as I walk in the door. Why, children, why? Last week, my toddler tried to climb onto my lap every time I sat down to go to the bathroom and he'll stand right in front of me and close his eyes if I request privacy. Funny, until it's not!!" – Carol Heffernan

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3. "Pulling the cushions off the sofa. WHY? WHY EVERY DAY?" – Allison Slater Tate

4. "When mine were little, bath time sent me over the edge. I finally made my husband take it over because I wanted them to be able to have fun and splash around in the bath, but frankly, by the time we got to that point in the day/evening, I was so done with playtime. Every time they splashed or poured water or wanted bubbles, all I could see was the mess I was going to have to clean up after they went to bed. I just wanted them to get in, get clean and get out. Dad was much better at letting them goof off and then cleaning up while I sat downstairs with a glass of wine." – Kari O'Driscoll

5. "They cram their toy purses full of crap from the play room and then unload the crap in another room. They basically enjoy hauling crap from one location to another." –Jenny Dunn Pray

6. "Refusing to eat food they used to eat and taking every single toy and putting it in their fort after bedtime." –Jessica Toonkle

7. "Ignoring the imaginary (but very, very large) 'OFF DUTY' sign flashing over my head after I have already put them to bed at least once." – Shoshana Kordova

8. "When they put their dishes in the sink even though the dishwasher is right next to it." – Judy Mollen Walters

9. "WIPING BOOGERS ON WALLS AND FURNITURE OMG." – Rachel Reiff Ellis

10. "Stuffing food wrappers deep inside the couch because they're too lazy to throw them away." – Kim Kankiewicz

11. "Taking forever to get out of the car. Specifically, when they decide they want to get out of the furthest door from where they are sitting. See also: Climbing on piles of folded laundry while I'm folding them." – Olivia Hinebaugh

12. "The constant bickering. I can't take the 'He's sitting too close to me!' 'That's my seat!' 'It's my turn!' "He breathed on me.'" – Jenna Bagnini

13. "When he says he doesn't like a food before he even tries it. You asshole, you're not allowed to say that until you taste it." – Claire Zulkey

14. "Put. The. Caps. BACK ON THE GODDAMN MARKERS!" – Robin Marty

15. "They use pencils until they're damn near pinky length. It makes no sense that this would irk me, but it does. A tiny pencil's existence will only make me roll my eyes and throw it away. But a child using a tiny pencil? Fire from my head." –Arnebya Herndon

16. "Ignoring me and pretending not to hear so that I need to repeat myself multiple times and usually it's to do something for them!" – Alisa Gibsman Schindler

17. " Right now it's tuneless humming. ALL THE TIME. It's driving me mental." – Margaret Brodie

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18. "My 2-year-old wants to do everything himself. So much so that he'll undo what I've done so he can't do it. He takes his pants off if I put them on. He unbuckles his seat belt if I buckle it. Today, he threw all the clean clothes out of the laundry basket because his brother took them out of the dryer before he could. Frustrating!" – Jen Simon

19. "What gets me is my 5-year-old's tendency to put things in my face—all the things too close all the time." – Jennifer K. Sweeney

20. "Constantly touching every. Single. Germy. Surface. Despite 8,407,326 warnings not to." – Grace Loh Prasad

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