noticing that all the parents (including you) in the school drop-off line are
starting to look a little more haggard and hollow-eyed than usual, it’s not
your imagination. These last few weeks of school are the hardest. There’s a
light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to walk barefoot over a field of
Legos to get to it.
We start off
the school year with such high hopes and anticipation, but all those early
mornings, busy afternoons, science projects and bake sales have a way of
wearing us down until we’re just mere shells of our former selves, crawling on
our hands and yoga pant-clad knees to the last-day-of-school finish line. Here
are some sure signs that the end is near:
1. Those school lunches are getting
Back in September you stayed up until 2 a.m. cutting sandwiches
into the shapes of all of the characters from "Frozen." Now, your kid is lucky
to get a slice of bread and a napkin.
Remember giving the kids a good breakfast and then even having
time to make yourself a cup of coffee? You still get your coffee—because
PRIORITIES—but now they’re eating ketchup packets you found on the
bottom of your purse.
3. You’re not sure
what your kid is wearing to school.
Those adorable coordinated outfits are but a memory now. One
quick check to make sure they’re not going to school in just their underwear
and you’re good.
4. In fact, you’re
not sure what you’re wearing when you take the kids to school.
As long as you’re dressed from the waist up and don’t get
out of the car, anyone who sees you through the car window will be none the
wiser. (This is a true story.)
5. You’d rather put
needles in your eyes than volunteer for another event.
That first PTA meeting found you offering to head up the
carnival, run the book fair and feng shui the auditorium. The last PTA
meeting? You volunteered to turn on the lights.
6. You’ve stopped
making eye contact with the other parents.
Eyes to the ground, people. Once May rolls around, you know that anyone too eager to talk
to you in the morning is just trying to get you to volunteer for that book
7. Homework is
starting to slide just a little. Maybe a lot.
Let’s face it—you probably don’t recall them having any
homework after February.
8. You are no longer
interested in "educational activities."
Museums, aquariums and libraries were all really great activities
for your kids back in the fall. Now that all of that enthusiasm has been drained
out of you, "Star Wars" marathons on Netflix count as science.
9. Your kids’ friends
are starting to get really, really irritating.
It’s funny how those little sweeties who were hanging out at
your house at the beginning of the school year now have you wanting to move and leave no forwarding address.
after-school snacks are a thing of the past.
The good news is, your kids are actually relieved that those
carrot sticks, edamame and quinoa wraps have been replaced by Hot Pockets and
11. Your absence
excuse notes are leaving something to be desired.
Your last one read, “Mikey missed school on Friday. Sorry, but these things happen."