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Here's Why My Kid Will Always Annoy You

Photograph by Getty Images

California is now in its fifth year of a severe drought. Also? Summer break just started. That feels relevant because I'm thinking sprinklers and Slip-n-Slides but my kids, my little Californians, are having none of that.

In fact, when it comes to water usage of any kind, they're not having much of anything.

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And while I appreciate the conservation efforts my kids now have instilled deep into their DNA, I sometimes think their daily efforts might transform into frustrating habits for their future roomates or spouses. Though, secretly, I love how astonished they get over water use in other states we visit. Actually, it makes me laugh and it's how I know that, no, I'm not raising Iowa transplants, which is what I am. I'm raising Californians.

Here is a list present and future clues that your child was raised in a serious drought:

  1. As an adult, they constantly tell people to get in the shower with them. The more in the shower, the less water that's wasted. It's kind of a great pick-up line.
  2. After five minutes of showering, they scream, "Get out of the shower. The drought, the drought!"
  3. Your 5-year-old sees a Slip'N Slide as grotestequely wasteful while visiting his cousins in Iowa, where the water is a plenty.
  4. Your adult child has fond memories of playing sports in a cloud of dust as grass has long since gone away.
  5. Your now adult child is constantly peeing in the backyard—to save water since he won't need to flush.
  6. Toilets are rarely flushed. "If it's yellow let it mellow," is your kids mantra.
  7. Your 5-year-old becomes adept at finding leaks and reporting them to the DWP. He tells you he wants to be a leak detective when he grows up.
  8. A washcloth becomes a nifty way to plug up your shower so the kids can have a "bath" inside a shower as real baths use far more water.
  9. If ever there is thunder and lighting, consider it more exciting than Disneyland, Legoland and and iPad combined. That's excitement and fun.
  10. When it sprinkles, your kids run outside fully armed in rain gear and ask you if school is cancelled.

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