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I'll Give You a Ride, But You Can't Sit Up Front

Photograph by Twenty20

I'm like most moms. I have a ton of stuff (read: crap). And being a suburban mommy, my car is often my office. My home base. My sanctuary. It takes my kids and me to playdates, to school, to the supermarket, to the drugstore, to soccer practice, to baseball practice, to karate practice and to grandma's house (when I need a break from all of those crazy sports practices).

Occasionally, it takes me to a Girls Night Out .

Now, I want to pick you up for GNO. Really I do. I know that I'm passing your house on the way there. I know this. But here's the problem: if you want a ride somewhere, there's gonna be a lot of stuff in my front seat. And really no room for you.

Here's just a sampling of the 5 million things you might find riding shotgun with me and my wheels:

1. Wipes (you never know)

2. Juice boxes (you never know)

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3. Bottles of water

4. Snack packs

5. Bags of pretzels

6. Bags of potato chips

7. Lollipops

8. Umbrellas (yes, I have one for each kid. We don't want any fighting in a downpour!)

9. Two books (those pick up lines can get BORING)

10. An extra pair of shoes

11. Changes of clothes (for my kids or for me? WHO KNOWS!?)

12. More changes of clothes (I don't even know whose SIZE this is.)

13. Gum

14. Mints

15. My dry cleaning

16. My husband's dry cleaning

17. Sunscreen

Yes, I know my kids have been out of diapers for two years now, but I just haven't gotten around to cleaning out my car yet.

18. A bag of whatever I'm doing for the PTA that week.

19. Diapers (yes, I know my kids are out of diapers, I meant to throw them out. Yes, I know my kids have been out of diapers for two years now, but I just haven't gotten around to cleaning out my car yet. GET OFF MY BACK, WOULD YOU?!)

20. Ahem. Sorry about that. Didn't mean to get defensive there. I mean, I'm sure that you also keep in your front seat:

21. Toy cars

22. Toy trucks

23. Legos. (Do NOT sit on those. I stepped on a Lego block once, and I'm still recovering.)

24. Superhero action figures

25. Little rubber animals that they give out at the doctor's office

26. A tiny tube of toothpaste from the last dentist's visit (because of the aforementioned lollipops)

27. Empty bottles of water (yes, I know that my front seat is not a garbage can, but I have very high hopes that one day, those water bottles will be recycled and not merely thrown in the trash.)

28. The return I've been meaning to do from Old Navy

29. The hand-me-downs I've been meaning to drop off at my sister-in-law's house.

30. Two tubes of lipstick

31. One tub of lip balm

32. Three tubes of lip gloss (What, we're going out tonight, aren't we?!)

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33. Three pens

34. My kids' artwork (yes, I'm hanging them on the fridge later, I promise!!)

35. Ground up pretzels (from the last time someone tried to sit in my front seat)

36. Ground up potato chips (you get the idea ….)

37. A half-eaten lollipop (try not to sit on that. Here, I have wipes!)

What? As if your car is clean?

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