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10 Confessions We'll Never Admit to Our Kids

Photograph by Twenty20

When I first became a mom, I vowed to always tell my kids the truth. This was a big mistake. Sure, in theory—before your child asks where babies come from or wants to know if the Tooth Fairy is real—being a full-disclosure parent sounds great. But in practice, when your kid asks questions you’re not ready to answer, sometimes it’s in a parent’s best interest to avoid the truth.

In fact, sometimes it benefits our kids to tell little white lies. Like, when they ask a question with an answer that'll hurt someone's feelings. Or when they want to know something they just don’t need to know.

The truth is, we moms and dads just don’t need to admit every honest thing to our children. It’s for the good of the family, right? Here are 10 things moms don’t admit to our kids. That’s different than lying, right? Right!

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1. I throw away your artwork.

Sorry, kiddos, but most of your artwork looks like a Rorschach test. Plus, there’s just so much of it. I save the things that mean something to you, or to me, and toss the rest. So, yeah, I throw out your artwork.

2. I listen to about 30 percent of your stories.

Make that 20 percent. Sorry, but they’re really, really long.

3. Sorry, kids, but every mom does have a favorite child.

Whichever child is behaving the best is my favorite, but you better believe there’s a favorite.

4. No, you weren’t the best one in the class talent show.

I can think you did a great job and also be incredibly proud of you and still know that you weren’t the best or most talented in the show. Someday, you’ll have kids and tell them they were the best, too.

5. Your joke wasn’t that funny.

Jokes usually have punchlines, unless those jokes are told by kids, and then they usually don’t. It’s OK, kids. You don’t really need to know that.

6. Your Halloween candy didn’t get lost or go stale—I ate it.

What? It’s a public service to our children so they don’t ruin their teeth.

7. I don’t like all your friends.

If you could read a mom’s thought bubble, you’d see a detailed ranking of her kid’s friends.

8. I can’t always read your writing.

Those Mother’s Day cards are lovely. And that sweet note you left under my door was adorable. I think. What exactly did it say?

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9. Of course I watch TV when you’re asleep.

You may have TV rules, but I don’t. When you have your own house, you can watch TV while you fold laundry, too.

10. I sleep through every kid’s movie we see.

I’d love to find Dory, but not as much as I’d love to find a dark, cool room where I can close my eyes while nobody notices. Try it. It’s delightful.

But no matter what I don’t tell my kids, I do tell them I love them all the time. That’s really all that matters, right?

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