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11 Ways I've Gone Out of the House This Week

Young woman with short black in pajamas sits in big red armchair with an empty bowl and spoon
Photograph by Getty Images

We’re moms. We’re brave and we’re tough and we can fix an ouchy boo-boo with the sheer power of a kiss.

It’s not a glamorous job, this mom thing. Even when I’m trying to get all dressed up and look nice (is that a lollipop in your hair?), I don’t always succeed. In my former life, I actually got dressed. In my former life, I definitely always brushed my hair. In my former life, I always—and I mean ALWAYS—brushed my teeth.

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But let’s face it: our kids have got to get on the bus, and the bus isn’t going to wait for you to put on a cute outfit or have fresh breath. On those days when I’m just rushing, trying to make it all work, there's a thin line between put together and total disaster. But you know what?

I still walk right out that door.

Here are 11 ways I left the house this week:

1. In pajamas

I don’t mean in adorable Old Navy sweatpants that can double as pajamas. I mean full-on pajamas that I totally bought at Victoria’s Secret because I’m fancy like that.

2. With a messy bun

I don’t mean one of those fabulous messy buns like you might see on the head of a Hadid sister or Chrissy Teigen. I mean my hair is a freaking bird's nest after hurricane or something.

3. Without brushing my teeth

This one was a total mistake. I meant to brush my teeth—really I did—but there was just no time. I’m not proud. Take five feet of clearance if you want to talk to me, I'm warning you.

4. Faux PJs

It's not always Victoria's Secret. I also drag around in those Old Navy sweatpants (mentioned earlier).

5. In yoga pants

And with absolutely no intention of doing yoga.

That same supercute sundress? It’s got one day left in it. Doesn’t it?

6. Still in yoga pants

This time from the day before, because they were laying on the bottom of my closet floor. Also just laying there, discarded and dirty: any intention of doing yoga.

7. As a bad imitation of 'Sex and the City'

In a white top with a black bra underneath. I'd convinced myself that I was channeling SJP circa her "Sex and the City" days, but in reality, I looked like an extra from the show who was, at best, a streetwalker, and at worst, a homeless person.

8. Supercute!

In a supercute sundress that I found at the back of my closet that (miracle of miracles!) actually fits!

9. Milking it!

In that same supercute sundress that I found at the back of my closet that (miracle of miracles!) actually fits! What? It got a lot of compliments on it yesterday.

10. Last time, I swear!

That same supercute sundress? It’s got one day left in it. Doesn’t it? It does, right?

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11. Not in that supercute sundress

I didn't wear that supercute sundress again (though it was right there on the closet floor, so easy!). Instead, I was in my pajamas that I slept in last night, but (clever!) with a jacket over it AS IF I AM FOOLING ANYONE.

Hey, I can still fix a boo-boo with the sheer power of a kiss (even if I haven’t brushed my teeth, again?)? Pretty bad ass.

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