In light of the movie "Bad Moms" coming out, I have been thinking about myself as a bad parent. We all are bad parents at times, right? If you aren't, I suppose there's a special place in hell for you because you're either too perfect… or a terrible liar.
Thinking about this, it's not so much that I'm a bad parent, it's that there's certain parts of being a parent that I truly don't enjoy.
I think you all have those specific things that you hate. Try to think about it. Here are just 10 things I hate, in no particular order:
1. I CAN'T GET FROZEN YOGURT (with ease)
This seems odd, I know, so I'll explain. It was August 7th, 2011. My son was to be born via C- section the following morning. I remember sitting there with my wife in our bedroom— preparing, panicking, praying (if we actually were the praying sorts.) I said to her, "Let's go take a walk. Let's get some frozen yogurt."
She wasn't in the mood. Understandably.
I said to her, "Think about this. Right now, we can make the decision to walk to the fro-yo shop. We can go at our own pace. We can buy some yogurt and relax. And it will most likely be the last time in like 100 YEARS when this can happen."
She got what I was saying. We went to have a last "child-free" frozen yogurt walk.
You all know as parents that if you want to go get frozen yogurt now (or anything for that matter,) you need planning. You need to get the child together. You need to often negotiate with the child. You can't just GO.
Don't you sometimes just want to go? I miss going. It's been since August 7, 2011.
I don't want to watch my mouth. I earned the right to be a vulgar jerk.
10. I WANT A VACATION
It's occurred to me that family vacations are only vacations for the children. When my wife and I go on vacation, we want to sleep in. We want to eat when we want to eat and we want to go where we want to go.
But with a kid, you gotta DO STUFF.
What are we doing today?
Can we do this?
What else can we do?
On my next vacation I'm just going to go out and eat some frozen yogurt, take a poop in public and argue something that's not nonsense with the guy in the next stall.