I knew motherhood would be gross, I really did. I just didn’t know it would be this gross. See I was prepared for the diaper changes, though even some of the more serious incidents tested my composure. And I was mentally prepared for receiving the occasional puke bomb or pee in the hand. But I thought the grossness of motherhood would eventually end.
Now that I no longer have infants or toddlers in hand, I can safely say that motherhood doesn’t get any less gross with time. In fact, it might just get nastier with each passing year.
It’s not just the bathroom humor that kids discover quicker than you’d expect and the inevitable pee on the floor fun that kids seem to find less gross than we moms do. It's not even the random rotting food left in cars, bedrooms and bathrooms by kids that can make any mother question her children’s choices. It’s the constant words we moms are forced to use that are just downright disgusting.
For me, the word moist always sends me into a creeped out tailspin. Even as a kid, one mention of the word moist in the most innocent of contexts would have me trying not to puke in my own mouth. There are just so many words we moms have to use in our everyday lives that have the same effect.
Turns out, I’m not the only one grossed out by the gross words of motherhood. I asked a few of my readers to chime in with the words that gross them out most. Their responses were fantastic—and true. Any of these ring a nasty bell for you?
The word panties was mentioned most as the grossest word that comes up in motherhood. I must admit it, it totally creeps me out and is a word I try to avoid at all costs. Carolina E. from Los Angeles, Calif., agreed. She said its, “disgustingly pervy.” So much yes!
2. Juicy and Pus
Chiming in from Hutchinson, Minn., Tara N. said, “Gross. Juicy pus would be worse ... Just saying.” She makes a good point. Ew.
Chafing is a good example of a totally innocent word that is automatically gross. I’m not alone on this one. Samantha A. from Waverly, Iowa said, “CHAFING. OMG I'm gagging as I even type it!” Me, too.
My head starts itching if I even hear the word.
No mother can hear the word lice without automatically inspecting her child’s head ... or her own. Susan P. from Dallas, Texas agreed and said, “My head starts itching if I even hear the word.” Yup!
The word hemorrhage is pretty nasty, though not worse than the real thing itself. Katherine K. from Scottsdale, Ariz., said, “My mother is a lifelong hypochondriac and my brother swears his first word was hemorrhage.” Hilarious!
6. Tits or Tiities
I must admit both these words creep me out. I’m not alone because a lot of people chimed in saying how much they hated either of these words. Tina K. from Fallon, Nev., explained it perfectly saying, “To me, I immediately visualize a skeevy guy (who by the way thinks he's the shit and thinks he's complimentary when using those words). It's like saying 'nice anus' instead of 'nice ass.'" So true.
Ugh, such a gross word however it’s used. Vannesa L. from Witchita, Kan., sums it up in one word, “Ewwww!”
When Shannon A. from Clovis, N.M., mentioned the word splatter, I did get a bit grossed out. But her explanation had me laughing out loud. She explained, “We always watch the OSHA (Occupational Safety and Health Administration) bloodborne pathogen movie before school starts. The year I was pregnant, just hearing the word sent me puking to the bathroom. I wasn't even looking.” It’s gross, right?
I hadn’t thought of this as a gross word until Diana N. from Maple Ridge, British Columbia said, “The one for me, nails on a chalkboard, is nourish. I hate it. I hate the way the word feels coming out of my mouth if that makes any sense. There's a commercial with it and they say it like three or four times. I have to change the channel!" Now I’ll never be able to use that word again, will you?
Gross, right? Jean S. from Emerson, N.J., agreed saying, “I don't like the crudeness. The yew sound in p-yewbs ... It bugs me. You can't say it without making a face.” I dare you to try.
It’s impossible not to get creeped out by the images this word connotes. Jennifer H. in Bryan, Texas agreed saying, “Smegma. It just does.” That about sums it up.
Well, now that Tonja P. from Chilliwack, British Columbia said, “Saturated. That word just makes me mental,” I cannot disagree.
Amber S. from Valrico, Fla., said, “I love 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail,' but that word makes my ears bleed for the whole movie long.”
So moms whether the word moist creeps you out, or the word saturated sends you into a tailspin, know that you are not alone. Turns out, since parenthood, we moms are all grossed out by many of the same gross words. Now, let’s talk about how gross the word ointment is. Go.