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20 Ridiculous Reasons I've Sent My Kids to Time Out

Photograph by Twenty20

As a parent who doesn't want to turn her kids into serial killers, there are very few options for discipline in my arsenal. I try providing incentives to promote and encourage good behavior. But sometimes your kid pretends to be a shark and tries to bite the mailman, and what are you going to do? For those moments, we have the time-out chair.

Here are 20 of those moments, when I just have to send my kids to time out, and they are pretty equally divided between my 5-year-old and 3-year-old.

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1. Licking the walls

I mean, it's not super naughty, but it's gross. And I guess if I have to tell you 25 times to stop doing it it's time for the chair.

2. Telling your little brother that his eyes are full of poop and his head is full of spaghetti

3. Tooting on grandma

4. Tooting on the Sunday School teacher

5. Tooting on the neighbor's infant son

6. Throwing Rescue Bots at your mom's head because you got confused and "'fought dat mom was Megatwon"

7. Throwing Barbies at your mom's head for the same reason.

8. Actively encouraging your little brother to poop in his underwear

9. Kicking your mom when she puts your sister in time out for telling you to poop in your underwear

10. Throwing a ball at the babysitter's face because you wanted to see what would happen

11. Screaming "Mommy is a monster!" out the car window

12. Sneaking into the babysitter's car, turning on her ceiling lights and letting the car run out the battery

13. Telling your aunt that even though she went to school she knows "NOFING ABOUT ANYFING!"

Even if it's true.

14. Telling your sister she smells like a "poopy watermelon alien face"

15. Trying to run into the street because you thought you saw a Pokemon, even though you were not even holding the phone that has "Pokemon Go" on it

16. Telling the Sunday School teacher that Jesus "doesn't wike you berry much"

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17. Licking mommy's leg

18. Trying to lick mommy's eyeball

19. Running away at the library and then yelling, "YOU ARE NOT MY GOOD MOMMY!" at the top of your lungs

20. Sniffing dad's butt because you know how he feels about that

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