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Is It Awful We Don't Want to Spend Our Vacation at Grandma's?

Photograph by Twenty20

As summer winds down and fall begins I’ve been reminiscing by scrolling through my Facebook feed and Insta Lifestyle faves. I have thoroughly enjoyed everyone’s summer vacation pictures. Many of you went somewhere tropical, mountainous and boozy.

Good for you.

My summer vacation options were not as lush.

You see, every year my husband Chris and I are faced with this choice: spending our hard-earned vacation time and money going home to visit family. Or! Actually taking a vacation.

I don’t mean that we don’t want to spend time with our family. (OK, sometimes we don’t.) But it’s more about how exhausted we feel after a week in Oklahoma, where we both grew up, running from one family event to the next. Everyone wants to catch up, so we go from having lunch with everyone from Aunt Deb to my old high school drama teacher. And by "catch up," I mean everyone asking me if I'm having more babies.

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If you’ve ever had one of these “vacations” you know what I’m talking about. It’s exhausting. Visiting family on a summer vacation wears out faster than the crotch in my cheap jeans. So this year we decided to do something a little revolutionary: We skipped the summer vacation to take a fall break instead.

Booyah!

But for once, just once, I want to go on a real vacation where someone brings me drinks instead of all the women folk standing around in the kitchen making food for everyone else.

No more standing around the barbecue while cousin Denny tells that same story about the deer he almost shot but got away because Uncle Orville dropped the flatbed and scared him.

True story. That I’ve heard a thousand times.

No more congratulating the hoards of friends who’ve had nine more babies since I had my one. (Meanwhile, they still look amazing and I look like Jabba. #BitterNotBitter)

By skipping the trip home, we’ll be avoiding the break-neck pace of family visits, staying in someone else’s house and hours of watching Elvis movies with my mom. (Fine, I kind of like that part. Long live the King!)

But what I’m really looking forward to is a peaceful fall getaway, where I don’t have to clean up after myself or my family, drinks are offered by the pool and travel prices are generally lower, because all the other suckers took their vacations in the summer. We won’t have to wait in line at Dollywood or fight for seats on Southwest. The world will be our oyster!

Well at least the part of the world that’s a short flight or drive away from our house. We will have a preschooler with us, so I’m not trying to travel around the world.

While everyone else is winding down from their summer vacation, my travel plans are just heating up.

Sure I will miss the family time. Of course I’ll miss seeing my childhood friends. But for once, just once, I want to go on a real vacation where someone brings me drinks instead of all the women folk standing around in the kitchen making food for everyone else.

I want to take amazing Instagram pictures that will make me seem opulent to the people who have to stay home in the fall because their kids are still in school.

We have such a short window where we can go on a fall getaway. Once she’s off to Kindergarten in a few years, I have a feeling they won’t like us taking her to Atlantic City or Vegas in the middle of the week. Those are great places for kids right?

I mentioned this to my mom and she was understandably disappointed. Mostly about the Elvis watching than seeing me, but still disappointed. I promised her we could watch him over Skype together. Then she got all flustered because computers are “stupid and useless pieces of junk.”

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I’m getting really excited about the idea of a fall getaway. While everyone else is winding down from their summer vacation, my travel plans are just heating up. Should we go south and risk the dangers/excitement of Mexico? Should we head north and freeze our bums off in Canada? My heart is telling me head west to Hawaii. We’ll see if my bank account agrees.

Wherever we land I know it will be relaxing and exciting to break out of our old routine. Plus I’ve always been a bit of a trendsetter.

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