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14 Crazy Things Every Mom of 3 or More Does

Photograph by Twenty20

It’s past 10 p.m. and I’m wrapped in my fancy mom-style bathrobe sitting at the kitchen table.

The dishwasher is running, because I follow the chore chart like that. And rather than nibbling on leftover birthday cake, I’m sipping water because even while my kids are sleeping, I try to set a decent example for the future generation. Hydration everyone!

Here’s the thing though… even though it’s quiet and everyone is asleep (for now) and life seems somewhat orderly in this peace, I know I’m crazy. Or is life crazy? Or is it a combination of both? I know this because today I kept mental tabs on how wild and wacky things got. When life gives you more children than hands, crazy is the only thing you can really count on.

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If you’re a mom of three or more kids, I’m sure you’ll understand exactly what I’m talking about! Hope my list of crazy affirms that you too, are on team cool (but crazy) mom!

1. In a sleepy stupor I inadvertently let my early riser middle kid (hello, 5 a.m.!) watch my iPhone for a full 2 hours.

2. Forgot to eat breakfast. Then, right before the baby’s morning nap I ate a few bites of stale cinnamon roll and made a cup of coffee only to find it hours later sitting near the Keurig.

3. Spent the baby’s nap fixated on organizing the fridge. It was a hot mess of leftovers and things like moldy salsa that needed tossing.

4. Took a “break” while going to the bathroom. Scrolled Facebook while staring at my sleeping baby in the monitor. LOVE HIM! Checked into Instagram and decided that I have the best kids in the world.

5. Big kids fought while playing a board game. I told them I was taking said board game to Goodwill if they couldn’t “pull it together and be kind like Daniel Tiger says!”

6. Vacuumed the downstairs and marveled at the awesome lines and fluffy carpet I left behind. Kids are yelling somewhere but I can't hear over the hum of the vacuum. #momoftheyear

It can be totally precious or a complete train wreck. The lottery of which will happen scares me on the daily.

7. Loaded the car in no less than four trips: Baby, big siblings and all the kid supplies, bag of Costco returns and snacks, and at the last minute realized I needed my purse and keys too!

8. Pushed a cart full of kids while trying to fit in a large grocery haul too. Everyone had something in their lap and my workout for the day is more than complete. Got talked in to a Halloween costume we didn't need, a bag of chips that will surely cause a squabble later, and ice cream that will most likely melt before we make it home.

9. Ate lunch standing up. It consisted of rejected grilled cheese crust and apple skins. Skins because my big kids eat their apple slices like watermelon—they nibble out the flesh and leave the skin behind like a rind. Awesome, I know.

10. Asked my oldest to “babysit” her brothers while I took a phone call.

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11. Attempted to be productive during nap time, but fell asleep in between the baby and my middle one. Happiest place on earth!

12. Fixed dinner with many little helpers and much whining. Cooking with kids is nothing like the Food Network says it will be.

13. Countdown to bedtime! I have such a love-hate relationship with the bath, pajamas, story, lights out routine. It can be totally precious or a complete train wreck. The lottery of which will happen scares me on the daily.

14. Once everyone is asleep, like, really asleep (no more potty breaks, drinks of water, and such), I sit alone and think “Today was the hardest, most awesome day ever, I kind of can’t wait to do it again… AFTER I SLEEP!”

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