Dear Mom at School Who Complained How Sad It Was for Her
Kids to Go Back to School,
I am sorry to inform you that today, the first day of
school, is an unspoken holiday for parents far and wide. Today we celebrate. Today
is not only the first day of school but also the start of a long holiday for
But here you are spewing heresy like, “I can’t believe summer
is over and my babies are back in school,” tearing up behind your $300 sunnies
and making us all feel like shit because
we have been counting down the days.
Oh “school schedule” you are music to my ears and the wind
beneath my wings. I say, “Hello consistency!” But you, dear mom,
say, “There go my babies.” What meds are you on? And can I get your doc’s
You live without the weight of their survival on
your shoulders, so sure everything seems fun.
I don’t know about you, but summer gives me hives. It’s
probably because I live in a two-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment with my two kids, no air conditioning and now, a new dog. But you live on a compound in a mansion with
guest houses, central air-conditioning, a pool and an iMAX theater.
I’m sure you agree that camp doesn’t count. Camp is chaos. For
me it was chauffeuring two kids all over town, to and from around five different
camps (I lost track) and at all different hours. I would say it must have been a
total pain in the ass for you, with three kids and all, but you have a camp in
your backyard (see above). So your kids stayed home. It probably helped that
you have minions to tend to your kids while you go to pilates and consult your
psychic. Oh joy, you have no job to rush off to, so that helps to keep things
feeling free and breezy, just like summer should be!
This is why “I’m so sad! Summer was soooo amazing! I got to
spend everyday with my kids!” is so irritating. It’s insulting to me to hear
you say, “I got to stay home with my babies all day, it was heaven. I’m going to
miss it soooo much” because I have to work my ass off at three maybe four (I lost
track) jobs just to be able to send my kids to camp. It’s most likely because
you don’t know what this hustle is like that makes hanging out with your kids
so fun. There is no pressure. You live without the weight of their survival on
your shoulders, so sure everything seems fun. Bring on summer!
But I can speak for a whole world of parents out there who
are relieved to have a sense of peace this time of year.
Because we can breathe
for five minutes.
Because if we were
home with our kids, it would exhaust the shit out of us.
Because we are most
likely the ones who have no help—no nannies or housekeepers or staff to tend
to out minions so we can take a shit.