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Aww, You're Sad the Kids Are Going Back to School? Boo-Freaking-Hoo

Rear view of boy and girl Walking on sidewalk with their backpack.
Photograph by Getty Images

Dear Mom at School Who Complained How Sad It Was for Her Kids to Go Back to School,

I am sorry to inform you that today, the first day of school, is an unspoken holiday for parents far and wide. Today we celebrate. Today is not only the first day of school but also the start of a long holiday for us.

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But here you are spewing heresy like, “I can’t believe summer is over and my babies are back in school,” tearing up behind your $300 sunnies and making us all feel like shit because we have been counting down the days.

Oh “school schedule” you are music to my ears and the wind beneath my wings. I say, “Hello consistency!” But you, dear mom, say, “There go my babies.” What meds are you on? And can I get your doc’s number?

You live without the weight of their survival on your shoulders, so sure everything seems fun.

I don’t know about you, but summer gives me hives. It’s probably because I live in a two-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment with my two kids, no air conditioning and now, a new dog. But you live on a compound in a mansion with guest houses, central air-conditioning, a pool and an iMAX theater.

I’m sure you agree that camp doesn’t count. Camp is chaos. For me it was chauffeuring two kids all over town, to and from around five different camps (I lost track) and at all different hours. I would say it must have been a total pain in the ass for you, with three kids and all, but you have a camp in your backyard (see above). So your kids stayed home. It probably helped that you have minions to tend to your kids while you go to pilates and consult your psychic. Oh joy, you have no job to rush off to, so that helps to keep things feeling free and breezy, just like summer should be!

This is why “I’m so sad! Summer was soooo amazing! I got to spend everyday with my kids!” is so irritating. It’s insulting to me to hear you say, “I got to stay home with my babies all day, it was heaven. I’m going to miss it soooo much” because I have to work my ass off at three maybe four (I lost track) jobs just to be able to send my kids to camp. It’s most likely because you don’t know what this hustle is like that makes hanging out with your kids so fun. There is no pressure. You live without the weight of their survival on your shoulders, so sure everything seems fun. Bring on summer!

But I can speak for a whole world of parents out there who are relieved to have a sense of peace this time of year.

Because we can breathe for five minutes.

Because if we were home with our kids, it would exhaust the shit out of us.

Because we are most likely the ones who have no help—no nannies or housekeepers or staff to tend to out minions so we can take a shit.

Because we are tired.

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I know you are all hashtag blessed, but please, know your audience, which is basically the rest of the world.


Bitter and Tired

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