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We go places sometimes. This is what happens at our house before we leave...
We have just barely enough time to get ready. As long as we both work to get the kids ready we'll make it on time. Teamwork!
So I get started. First, I find a big bag and toss in a few toys:
This takes a little thought actually. Depends on where we are going. Restaurant? Quiet, busy toys like stickers and drawing books. Park? Balls and maybe some sand toys, depending on the park.
After I figure this out and make sure to have two sets of similar things to avoid pain and suffering later, I get started on the food.
We always bring food. Food also takes a little bit of thought. Certain things pack better than others. Certain things are things they are more likely to eat. Certain things are more messy...
But my food planning is interrupted:
I'm being summoned.
There is a car dispute. There is always a car dispute.
Fortunately, I'm able to smooth over car disputes by reminding them that we have three billion cars. Sure, this green one is awesome but so is the red one. And yellow. And blue. Maybe we can take turns with the green one and meanwhile the other kid can play with a different one while they wait their turn and blah blah blah I'm so bored of this because I say it three billion times a day and the only thing that changes is the car they are fighting over.
I'm about to get back to the kitchen to continue with the snack packing. I realize now would be a good time to announce a "last call" for snacks before we leave:
But they aren't hungry. So I hurry back into the kitchen to finish up.
I'm just about done when I am called again. I quickly toss the rest into the bag.
I grab the bag and make a quick stop for clothes for the kids. I need an outfit for Crappy Baby (yes, he does sometimes wear clothes—gasp!) and I need to bring extra clothes for just-in-case scenarios. It might be something like long sleeve shirts if they get cold, hats for the beach, extra pants and underwear for Crappy Baby or maybe dry clothes to change into after swimming—that sort of thing.
Crappy Boy is calling for me even louder now and it occurs to me that Crappy Papa has disappeared.
Where IS Crappy Papa?
I head over to Crappy Boy and ask him what it is he needs to tell me:
Turns out he changed his mind. He is hungry and needs to eat before we leave.
I haven't even gotten myself ready yet so I try to get out of it to save time:
Where IS Crappy Papa? I thought he was going to help get them ready. Meanwhile, Crappy Baby says he is hungry too.
I rush to the kitchen and grab some carrots and yogurt for them:
I set them up with their food:
Everyone is happy for a moment. I can go change my clothes!
I head to my closet and thumb through the outfits for 60 whole seconds.
I hear "Done!" from the other room so I pick one and throw it on.
I clean up their dishes:
As I pass through the kitchen I glance at the clock and notice that we have to leave in three minutes.
Now that Crappy Baby is done eating, I can attempt to capture him to get him dressed:
It isn't always easy. He runs faster than I do.
Finally, they are pretty much ready! My turn to get ready as fast as womanly possible! I head to the bathroom.
I know they'll follow me which is great because I need them both to pee before we get in the car.
After a few grumbles from Crappy Baby they both pee.
That is it! They are finally all ready! Completely ready!
They run to the door and announce it:
Of course I'M not ready.
So then this happens:
He reappears. And once again blames me for being late.
Amber Dusick is the creative mastermind behind www.crappypictures.com (She doesn't really think her kids are crappy. Or her husband, for that matter.)