I tried to hide my panic from my children tonight but was unable to. All of a sudden I couldn't breathe.
Last night, an hour or so after Bo and Revi witnessed my undoing (I had a full-blown panic attack at our friends' viewing party), Bo climbed onto a wall in my friend's backyard and said, "If Hillary doesn't win tonight, someone else will win tomorrow night. Maybe it will be you or maybe it will be me. Will it be you?"
She pointed her finger into the darkness and nodded at nothing/everything/no one/everyone, then she pointed her fist to the sky and did a flying leap onto the pavement. And because it was my one point of light, I thought I'd share.
Because as a parent I didn't know what to say to my kids as the results rolled in, but they (Bo, specifically) knew what to say to me. And that's why there's still hope, I think.
We might be fucked beyond repair but our children, they're OK. They're amazing. They are full of hope and wisdom and love and goodness—all of the things, that in this moment, feel lost.
And I believe in them so much. I BELIEVE IN THEM SO MUCH! And I will continue to honk my proverbial horn as they hang their signs and lift their fists and point into the darkness of tomorrow without fear.
To my friends—fellow mothers, women—specifically those of you who are black, brown, immigrant, Muslim, LGBTQ, my heart is with you. And I promise to stand by you through whatever tomorrow brings. And I will continue to do everything in my power to raise my children to do the same. Because SO MANY of us do not want the America we will wake up to tomorrow and yet we must WAKE UP TOMORROW. WE MUST. WAKE. UP. I love you. I'm with you. And our children. Most importantly, our children.