I knew my life would change forever when I brought
home Baby #2—I just never could have guessed the crazy things that would
come out of my mouth.
1. “Don’t step on your sister!” –
While I believe that my 4-year-old intends to be loving and gentle
towards her baby sister, preschoolers don’t always pay attention to
where they’re going. I’ve learned (the hard way) that it’s best not to
put baby down on her play mat while Big Foot is stomping around.
2. “Get your nose out of her eye” –
We’re also working on boundaries. My daughter loves to smush her face
right up again the baby’s face, nevermind whether she can breathe. I was
hoping my kids would be close, but that’s a little too close.
3. “Let me smell your hands” – It’s
inevitable that my older kid will spread some nasty preschool germs to
the baby, but I’m trying to stave this off as long as possible by
rigorously enforcing hand washing. Of course, the only way to know for
sure if she’s actually washed her hands or just saying she did? The
Something’s got to give, and that something is nutrition.
4. “Enough reading, let’s watch some TV!”
– Damn I’m tired. And my back is killing me from breastfeeding the baby
while trying to keep my hands free to play with the big kid on the
floor. Sometimes it seems like a much better idea to let Sophia the
First do the parenting for a while.
5. “Stop yelling right now! We don’t yell in this house!”– (Yelled
at top volume, by me) – Just as the baby’s eyes are fluttering closed
for a much-needed nap, my 4-year-old will decide it’s the perfect time
to have a big tantrum about shoes, or snacks, or I don’t even know
because I’m not listening, I’m just yelling at her not to yell, which
works like a charm (NOT).
6. “Who wants ice cream for dinner?”–
Wait, I’m supposed to keep two kids alive all day and ALSO feed them
dinner? Something’s got to give, and that something is nutrition.
7. “I love you but please stop touching me” –
My poor husband. By the time I’m done nursing 8-12 times, getting peed
and spit up on, and kissing my 4-year-old’s boo-boos and hurt feelings, I
have nothing left for him. I have actually flinched when he tried to
touch me. Clearly, I need to make it up to him. I hope he likes ice
cream for dinner.
Moms, what crazy things have you said to your kids?