We need to take care of ourselves, too! We've got delicious and easy recipes, the latest fashion and home decor trends, health topics that impact every woman and so much more. So grab a cup of coffee and dig in.
It truly takes a village to raise a child, and we're here for you! Link up with a community of moms just like you and learn about fabulous events in your area plus amazing product giveaways, discounts and more!
song says, breaking up is hard to do. But what if it's not your heart that was damaged, but your child's? Sometimes that can be just as hard, if not
harder, to handle. Here, experts give some dos and don'ts on how to nurture your
son or daughter through this trying time:
DO: Realize the pain of the break up doesn't
necessarily correlate to the duration of the relationship. "The average young boyfriend and girlfriend
break up after a few months, but that doesn't mean that those months aren't as
powerful as a relationship that lasted years," says Carleton Kendrick, psychotherapist and author of Take Out Your Nose Ring, Honey, We're Going to Grandma's. In
addition, he notes, many young people today give notice impersonally in texts
or a change in Facebook status, which makes the modern-day split even more
"It's important to have your heart broken at least once to grow as a human being."
DO: Take the long view. While you hate to
see your child upset, breakups are part of life and teach important life
lessons. "I would argue that it's important to have your heart broken at least
once to grow as a human being," says Kendrick. Through heartache, young adults learn to forgive
others and themselves, and they become "more resilient in
the face of life's considerable challenges."
DO: Be there even if your child
doesn't want to talk about it. Some kids spill their guts to mom and
dad; others hold their feelings inside. If
your kid goes stealth about the breakup, continue to let him know
you're there should he need a shoulder to cry on, recommends Mary C. Lamia, clinical psychologist and author in Marin County, Calif. Even if your
child never opens up, just knowing you are available "makes him not feel so
alone," she says.
DO: Help your child lose the guilt. If your child is the one who called off the relationship, the "primary
emotion he is feeling is guilt," says Lamia. "Some kids can feel such extreme guilt that
they can't move on." To combat this, she
recommends telling your son, "You deserve to have a relationship
that is best for you, and so does the other person. If you'd stayed in the relationship, you
would have been depriving that person of someone who adores her."
DO: Pump up your child's self-esteem. If your son or daughter was the one who was broken up with, Kendrick
recommends saying something like, "I can only imagine how hurt and confused you
are right now. And you may be feeling
like you're not worth very much or that you'll never have another boyfriend or
girlfriend. But I can tell you, you are
bright, funny and kind. This is the
person you were, are and will be the next time you fall in love."
DON'T: Bad mouth the ex. Never tell
your son, "She wasn't good enough for you," "We never approved
of her anyway" or "You're better off without her," warns Kendrick. While parents say such things to be
comforting, these statements wind up compounding the hurt because they make kids
feel like you're criticizing their choice in a boyfriend or girlfriend, he
DON'T: Get involved. Sometimes parents try to "fix" the relationship behind their
child's back or call the boyfriend or girlfriend to give the other person a
piece of their mind. This is never a
good idea, according to Kendrick, because you'll probably only make the
situation worse. In addition, your interference "teaches your young adult that you don't respect them enough to handle the breakup on
their own," he says.
DON'T: Let your feelings dominate. If you've grown attached to your child's love
interest, you may be personally upset that the relationship ended. While feelings of sadness and disappointment
are normal (you already had the wedding planned in your mind!), keep these
thoughts to yourself—your son or daughter is already dealing with
enough turmoil, advises Lamia. Instead,
talk about your feelings with someone else, such as your partner or a trusted
DON'T: Maintain a relationship with
the ex without your child's permission. After the initial dust settles, if you want to reach out
and connect with your child's ex, it's OK—as long as you ask your son first, says Kendrick. He recommends saying something like, "Your dad
and I really like Susie and were wondering if we can maintain a friendly
relationships with her?" Just be respectful
if your child needs more time or gives a flat-out "no."
DON'T: Feel you have to end the family
connection. If you're friends with the ex's parents, it's
fine to announce, "John's mom and I are still going to be friends; I hope that
doesn't make you uncomfortable," says Lamia. In her experience, most kids won't mind; plus you're sending the
positive message that life can go on after a breakup without anger or