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7 Thoughts I Have While Doing My Daughter’s Hair Every Morning

Photograph by Twenty20

It happens just in the nick of time. We are nearly out the door. Of course we are rushing. It's a school day. So, it's untied shoes, dragging lunch boxes, back packs, and water bottles. The "We're gonna be late!" countdown clock is ticking.

And then there's my daughter, screaming from the bathroom.

“Mom, you have to do my hair!”

"It's too late," I scream back. "No time!"

"You have to!"

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Which means I really do have to or there will be hell to pay. Of course, the experience is a total nightmare. The back and forth between us is hideous. Everything I do is wrong. She's 10, but she has the attitude of a full-blown teen. This is what I am really thinking during this process:

1. Ugh, brush your hair yourself! You're 10. Why am I brushing your hair? You’re old enough to brush your own hair. How many 10-year-olds are making their mom’s brush their hair. It’s your hair—take care of it!

2. She says it hurts too much when she brushes it. And it hurts too much when I brush it. This makes no sense. Then cut your hair off! Then wash it! And how about some conditioner? You might want to start brushing it regularly so I am not dealing with a rat’s nest every morning.

3. Why do you have long hair if you are just going to put it in braids everyday? WHY?! This makes no sense to me. AT ALL!

This is when I just about take a scissor and start chopping it off.

4. Wait, why am I a BAD mother because you don’t brush your hair and now it hurts when I brush it? You know what? YOU MAKE NO SENSE!!

5. Oh, this makes your nose itch when I brush it, huh? Sorry, this cannot be making your nose itch. And no, it doesn’t make your nose stuffy too. This is you being annoying and try to make me crazy. Go read a medical journal and get back to me on this one.

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6. f you ask me “Is there a bump?” one more time, I’m going to make bumps out of revenge. I really am. See that? It's a bump. Deal with it.

7. We need to get this hair cut ASAP. And if you don't agree to a proper haircut I am cutting it myself. In fact, I’m getting a scissor right now.

This is when I just about take a scissor and start chopping it off. Every morning. One minute away from it.

Until then, more of the above.

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