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What If Trump Hadn't Won the Election?

I am having a hard time coming up with things to write about at the moment that aren't intrinsically tied to resistance, protest and panic attacks. And so, I'm going to just—for the moment—drift into surreality and pretend that what happened never did. Here's what today looked like in my Alt-Reality 2017.

6:15 - Alarm goes off. I am well-rested, considering I spent the better part of the night kicked in the face by two 5-year-olds. I don't mind being kicked in the face. I mean, I do, but at least I don't have to worry about the crumbling of humanity. I can sleep through an elbow to the chest. Nightmares of our president-elect grabbing our entire nation "by the pussy," not so much.

6:30 - Arms + Abs class is officially in session. My friend Chelsea and I are joking about falling off our futuristic vibrating plates, instead of talking about the fall of our society. I make jokes about our pelvic floors as we do jumping jacks and pee our pants a little.

7:30 - The kids are eating breakfast and (WHAT THE WHAT!?) so am I. I eat TWO WHOLE PIECES of toast with the appetite of a person normally going about her business. My stomach feels fine. I help my kids tie their shoes. Everything is fine.

7:50 - On the way to school, we listen to the "Hamilton" soundtrack without making references to our forefathers turning in their graves.

8:20 - I arrive home after school drop-off and get straight to work. I write about music and food and parenting. Not once do I check the internet to see what kind of horrible shit has gone down in the last day/hour/five minutes. Instead, I finish my work and give myself a high-five.

1:00 - I eat lunch because I am hungry and have an appetite.

1:30 - I deposit cash at Wells Fargo, a bank I have banked at for 20 years because they are a great bank and do not invest in the Dakota Access Pipeline. I am so thrilled they decided to pull their money, recognizing how abhorrent DAPL is on LIKE FORTY-SEVEN LEVELS and commend them for investing in CLEAN ENERGY alternatives like wind and solar farms. I am so glad they respect the treaties of indigenous people and agree that HEALTHY DRINKING WATER is a basic human right. I will continue to bank with them for years to come.

2:00 - I do not make phone calls to all of my reps. I do not write letters. Hell, I don't even know what's going on with the government today. I certainly don't post action items on Facebook. Instead, I post links to blog posts with artfully cropped photographs of children flying through the air like anything is possible because, you know what? Anything IS possible.

2:45 - I listen to NPR on the way to school pickup. "Fresh Air" is doing a story on rape culture and what young men are doing to call it out in Reddit chatrooms. I smile because we are really getting somewhere, America. Forward!

4:30 - I Instagram photos of my kids. Hashtag blessed. Hashtag everything is fine. Hashtag everything works out. Hashtag parenting wisdom. Hashtag EXIST.

5:00 - I make dinner without checking Twitter 560 times and spontaneously bursting into tears. My kids don't ask me what's wrong because I'm too busy dancing to Prince who is still alive and David Bowie who is also still alive.

6:00 - My husband comes home from work. We do not talk about politics.

6:30 - The kids are in the bath and I do not talk to them about refugees and the Muslim ban. I do not go into how their extended family was turned away during the Holocaust only to be killed by Nazis. I don't feel the need to have those conversations with them yet, because times have changed and we're better than that now. I wash my daughters' hair and sing them songs from "The Little Mermaid."

8:30 - I do not cry as I read my oldest daughter "Bedtime Stories for Rebel Girls."I'm not sad. I'm not exhausted. I'm just ... reading a book.

10:00 - Hal and I settle in and watch "Full Frontal with Samantha Bee." It's a slow news week, so Sam spends the episode translating dog barks into English.

11:30 - I go to sleep like everything is fine. Like everything is normal. Like our country is not being run by an autocrat and his right-stripping, white-nationalist goons. Save for financial strain and the stresses of being a human parent, I am without significant worry.

I sleep through the night.

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