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The Crazy Things We Tell Our Kids to Get Them to Do Stuff

Photograph by Twenty20

"If you don't let me cut your nails, they'll grow backwards into your fingers!"

"If you don't eat greens, you won't be able to get a job when you're older!"

"If you don't brush your teeth, they will turn black and fall out!"

Yes, these very absurd words have actually fallen from my lips. Guilty as charged. I started thinking about all the dumb things I've said to my kids to get them to do something.

It's mortifying.

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I can't believe I could actually have the stupidity to allow this crap to spew from me. So I asked around. Turns out that some of my favorite moms do that exact same thing.

Here's a little round up of some of the winners:

1. Once told my kid I would call "The Orphanage Man" if he misbehaved. I even went so far as to pack a little duffle bag and put it by the door.

2. I will give you $20 to stay in bed and go to sleep.

3. If you don't brush your teeth really well, little tiny bacteria called lactobacilli acidophilli will come and eat the enamel off the surface and you will get holes in your teeth and they will fall out of your head.

4. My husband told my 5 &and 6-year-old kids that they their stomachs would become filled with worms if they bit their fingernails.

5. If you eat the seeds from the apple (or cherries or oranges), a tree will grow in you stomach.

Mommy will go to jail if you don't wear your seat belt...

6. She's not afraid of the dentist anymore so I had to tell her if she doesn't brush her teeth, little holes grow in her teeth and her brains will leak out.

7. If I don't pay my credit card bills in full, I would get arrested for stealing.

8. It's illegal to spit.

9. Mommy will go to jail if you don't wear your seat belt, McDonald's gives you cancer, wandering away from Mom and Dad in a store leaves you prey for evil child kidnappers then you never see Mommy again. I lay it on thick.

10. My mom told me that if I didn't eat all my lima beans, my hair would turn red. Something I was always deathly afraid of after seeing Annie on Broadway.

RELATED: It's Actually a Good Thing That Your Kid Wants to Watch the Same Thing Over and Over Again

11. If you don't comb your hair, a spider will lay eggs in your bun.

12. If you sing at the dinner table, you'll wind up with a crazy husband.

13. If you eat your greens, you will grow hair on your chest.

14. Eat your vegetables or there will be murders.

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