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You Have Two Kids and NOW You're Gay?

Photograph by Getty Images

One scenario that causes people to think homosexuality is a choice is the fact that some women have children with male partners before they come out as lesbian. Most people wrinkle their noses at this, thinking it's because the woman has had bad luck with men, but wants someone to be there for them. So they are entrapped by a beautiful siren who turns them gay.

Except that's not it at all.

The reason you might see a woman with multiple children from a man later decide to be with a woman, is because she was always attracted to women. But due to society's destructive labeling of homosexuality, women deny their true attraction to other women and try to fit into what is expected of them by their parents, peers and religion. They date men, get married and fulfill the role of a wife perfectly—but in their hearts something is missing. What is missing is the exhilaration of new love and the excitement of a soul connection. These women seem to have it all: the house, the husband, the kids and the career. But late at night, their hearts ache for a true connection and attraction.

In later years, a woman may lose interest in heterosexual relationships and leave a partner, only to rediscover what she knew all along—she loves the feeling of being with a woman. This causes previously married (to men) ladies to be open to opportunities to date women and find the love they had been missing. What's even better about this scenario? There are already children, so the longing to reproduce is taken care of, and she can move on happily with a ready-made family and new partner.

The fact is more young women are being freed to love who they want to love at a younger age.

In recent years, homosexuality has become more visible and less taboo. So when an attraction for the same sex first arises at a young age, women are now free to embrace it without feeling as guilty as they have in the past. This is why you believe you are seeing a trend in homosexuality among young girls. It's not really a trend. The fact is more young women are being freed to love who they want to love at a younger age so they don't have to go through the painful phase of awakening to their true attraction later in life.

So the next time you see a woman with a whole team of children walking hand-in-hand with her new girlfriend, smile at her, knowing it is very possible that she once hid a very important part of herself, and now she is free to be happy.

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