1. "Stop yelling at your sister," I yelled at my 12-year-old. "We do not YELL AT EACH OTHER IN THIS HOUSE!"
2. I told my 8-year-old we were out of eggs when she asked if she could bake cookies. We had plenty, but I didn't want her messing up the kitchen with a cooking project.
3. After she went to bed, I thought, "Mmmm, cookies." And baked up a couple dozen.
4. When my 4-year-old discovered his recent artwork in the trash, I blamed it on his sister. Then I blamed my husband for not taking the trash out. Then I blamed everyone else, including the dog, for having such a cluttered house that we have to throw out preschool artwork, and I have to throw everyone under the bus.
5. I used my kid's $25 Amazon gift card to buy a stainless steel fish turner and some batteries. Because clutter. Doesn't she have enough already?