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19 Things I'm Really Thinking While Stuck at the Playground (Again)

Photograph by Twenty20

As a mom of two young children who sleep best after bouncing off the walls like pinballs, I spend more time at my our local playground than I do with my own husband. We are talking hours and hours of mind-numbing swing pushing, slide catching and sand play.

Like much of parenting, taking kids to the park is worthwhile but boring, so when there are no other friendly adults for me to chat up, I have to rely on my inner monologue to keep me company. It goes something like this:

1. Today is the day I will be fully present and not check my phone even once.

2. Other than using my phone to snap a few pictures of my adorable children, of course… say cheese!

3. Oh, is that a new text? Well it would be rude not to text back.

4. Better look up now and make sure toddler has not left the park.

5. Oh good, she’s just snacking on Cheerios.

6. Crap, I didn’t bring any Cheerios today.

7. I never made it to the gym this week. How embarrassing would it be if I started doing some squats and lunges?

8. Who am I kidding? I would much rather sit on my ass.

9. But I would pay $100 for a Grande nonfat latte right now.

10. New business idea: Mobile coffee cart for playground. Who's with me?

The sun is coming out and I didn't bring sunscreen. Worst. Mom. Ever.

11. There are an unusual number of hot dads here today. I'm suddenly very aware that I never brushed my hair today.

12. Speaking of which, why are so many of the moms here wearing cute outfits and heels? Is someone doing ambush makeovers in the playground because if so, I want one.

13. Look at that beautiful newborn baby. I miss babies.

14. Should I have another baby?

15. The sun is coming out and I didn't bring sunscreen. Worst. Mom. Ever.

16. Holy flying unicorns, the 6-year-old is actually playing sweetly with the 2-year-old. My job is here is done!

17. And... tears. But that sweet moment between siblings lasted a whole 10 seconds, so we’ve broken our lifetime record.

18. Would it be worth bribing them with treats if it would get us out of this Godforsaken park before night falls?

19. That was a silly question. Of course it would be worth it. Plus then I would barely have to make dinner.

Hey kids, who wants ice cream?

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