It's a tough road to travel. You've met a wonderful man who
loves you, who is secure and supportive of your dreams. You're smitten and you
can't believe how fortunate you are. There's just one hurdle you have to climb, but it seems more like a mountain. He has children from a previous relationship, and the woman he was with is a true-life horror story. Your love triangle
includes a Baby Mama, and it's not pretty.
What is a Baby Mama? Well, Baby Mama is simply another term
for a woman who shares a child with a man whom she is no longer in a
relationship with. She is the mother of their child and, whether you like it or
not, she will never disappear.
Not every Baby Mama is spiteful, hateful or ridiculous, but
those who are can be a force to be reckoned with. But why does she behave in
such an irrational manner? Why the late night calls that erupt into arguments?
Why the contemptuous stare downs at family functions? Why does every decision
have to become a war?
The first reason you may come up with is she's bitter and she
wants to reconcile her relationship with her ex. You believe this because it makes you feel
like the victor, as though you won a prize that she so desperately wants. If it
makes you feel good about yourself, go right ahead and continue believing that lie.
The truth is no one wants him but you. The real reason may be more complex
than you can imagine.
It can be any one of these reasons:
1. The love of your life is still sleeping with his
Baby Mama. He's complaining about you to her, and she can't respect you because
she knows your secrets and fears.
2. You've shown her she can get under your skin. A
Baby Mama who knows how to push your buttons will do it for entertainment
purposes. When she knows that all she has to do is send a text or say a word and
you will react with venom, it gives her satisfaction to know that she can
She doesn't want him to believe she still loves him, so she acts out in ways that supposedly express hatred or disdain when, really, it's all a cover-up.
3. They have always communicated in an unhealthy manner. What explanation did he give for their breakup? Did he explain that she was crazy? Did you ask how he reacted to her craziness? Why would you expect civil and rational behavior from a woman who is used to being disrespected by her ex? If your loving partner is being unloving to the mother of his child, she will react in the same way because that is the nature of their relationship.
4. She's finally asserting herself. After years of
being in a relationship that has been abusive or diminishing to her spirit, the
Baby Mama may finally realize that she has some power in her life and is overindulging in her right to say no or set guidelines.
5. The drama is a cover-up for how she really
feels. She may still have feelings for him; in fact, she probably does. The
love that exists between two parents cannot be completely broken, not even by
anger or disappointment. Instead of accepting the fact that love still exists
in her heart, she may not be mature enough to accept it for what it is and move
on. She may not realize that the love she feels doesn't have to expressed
romantically. Or she doesn't want him to believe she still loves him so she acts
out in ways that supposedly express hatred or disdain when, really, it's all a
6. The rest of her life is out of her control. When
a Baby Mama faces experiences like the loss of a loved one, being stagnant in
her career or caring for someone who is dealing with a prolonged illness, she
experiences the stress of not being able to control her life. This causes her
to hold the reins even more tightly with situations she CAN control—like
her children, your mood and her household.
7. She's angry because he grew up. Relationships
that form during the early years of our lives are difficult to maintain because
the two parties grow up and grow apart. It could be that during their time
together, the Baby Mama wanted a certain treatment from the love of your life
but she never received it because he was too immature to understand the
importance of what she asked for. Now that he has grown up, she is seeing a
different side of him, and it angers her that he could not offer her the kind of
love and respect that he is now offering you.