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10 Things You'd NEVER Do If You Didn't Have a Toddler

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Photograph by Twenty20

There are some things that surprise you about becoming a parent—and sometimes you find yourself doing things that your “old self” (aka the person you were before kids) would never have dreamt of doing.

From participating in kid-centric activities to having your life ruled by a 3-year-old, it’s safe to say that once you’re a mom your life is never the same again. Here are 10 things you’ve probably done that you never would have considered before your little one came along.

1. Ride a water tube

It’s a hot summer day and you are walking around Sesame Place in a saggy, wet bathing suit, and you are willingly waiting in line holding an inner tube so you can go cascading down a slide with your son who is rapidly approaching your own size nestled between the vice-like grip of your thighs. Yep, you’re officially a mom now!

2. Pee or poop in front of someone

We’d like to say this only happens in public bathrooms when nature calls and you have no where else to leave your kids. But every mom knows that peeing with the door closed is no longer an option.

3. Venture into the seventh level of hell aka Chuck E. Cheese’s

Remember when you used to go to Victoria’s Secret in the mall and look at that neighboring kids place and wonder who exactly would ever voluntarily opt to go in? Surprise, it’s now you! Not only will you go into places that offer game tickets and prize that will litter up your house for months, you might even consider hosting a birthday party there because “it’s so much easier than doing it at the house.”

Every mom knows that peeing with the door closed is no longer an option.

4. Do puzzles at lightning fast speed

You can put together a 12-piece Mickey puzzle while nursing a baby and talking on the phone. Lady, you’ve got skills and it’s all in the name of cleaning up after your little whirlwind of a child.

5. Absentmindedly start singing the theme to "PJ Masks"

“Nighttime is the right time to fight crime …” You used to have great taste in music. Maybe you still do, but you’d never know it since the theme songs to kids shows play in your mind on an endless loop. Don’t worry, it’s totally normal.

6. Carry all manner of snacks around in miniature Tupperware and baggies

Oh man, you gave in an bought those teeny-tiny Ziploc bags, too. At least your toddler knows that if he needs Goldfish, string cheese or a very small amount of pretzels, you’ve got it on you.

7. Participate in parachute time

Before kids, this might have meant jumping out of an airplane. Now it means floating a giant piece of colorful cloth over your children as they screech in delight. C’mon, mama, get that parachute a little higher!

8. Wake up at 7 a.m. on vacation

“Elmo says good morning! It’s time to brush your teeth! Brushy brush brush brush!” You’re on vacation in a nice hotel and your toddler is standing over you singing this, ready to greet the day! Oh and she’s also squeezed all of the toothpaste into the toilet bowl. Welcome to parenthood!

9. Hide in the bathroom to look at your phone

They can’t get to you if you lock the door, although those tiny fingers peeking through the space at the bottom are kind of disturbing.

10. Create faces on pancakes

Never before did you see blueberries as eyes. Actually, that's kind of creepy. Maybe now you look at a piece of chicken and wonder how to turn it into something “more fun.” You’re a mom now, so dig in!

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