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Who Needs a Mom Friend When You Have a Snake!

Here’s the thing about a pet snake. A mom can essentially ignore it for years, until one day she wakes up in mid-life and realizes that a pet snake is actually just the thing she needs to feel complete.

With my two teenage kids gaining independence and a busy husband who’s often on the road, I saw my best chance for companionship in Whitey Bulgie, our four-foot albino corn snake who, unlike his Boston mobster namesake, has never committed a crime that I know of.

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No more feeling down about the imminent empty nest stage! I can practically hear hope hsssssing at me from that 30-gallon glass tank in the corner of the family room.

Oh Whitey! How have I paid you absolutely no attention for the past eight years when it’s such fun to take you out and show you the world? Unlike a baby who requires a backpack full of bottles and diapers and whatever, you are one low-maintenance, ready-to-play pal!

Even coffee with your human friend is more fun when you bring a snake. Forget fussy toddlers on your cafe dates. Why invite that third wheel gal pal when snakes are so lovely to take with? Plus, they never interrupt or gossip. They can’t even hear!

It used to be a long, lonely work day for this work-at-home writer. Not anymore!

Snakes are so easy to feed, too! Pop a mice-icle in the microwave and, “Dinner’s ready!”

Lonely nights with my husband away? Those days are so over!

Need a great profile pic for Facebook? You can pose with your snake. (This is Jennifer Lawrence, not me, unfortunately!)

Here I am with my clothes on. Speaking of, when posing with an albino snake, wearing black lets both of you really show off. Plus, when you stand next to a snake, you’ll definitely want to be in a very slimming color.

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While I don’t see snakes as ever replacing children, husbands or actual BFFs, they are certainly underrated in a mom’s world. Considering that the only reason we got our pet snake is that I’m allergic to dogs and cats, it only seems right that in the end Whitey Bulgie and I have become besties.

Photographs by: Sandra Miller

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