Join Club Momme for exclusive access to giveaways, discounts and more!

Sign up

No, My Husband Is Not My Best Friend

Photograph by Twenty20

It happened again today.

I was scrolling through my Instagram feed and up pops another shot of my sweet friend and her hubby, arms wrapped around each other, with this caption: "So lucky to do life with my best friend. #besties #blessed."

More like #blech.

My take on these posts is always that they are moderately vomit inducing, but today I decided to take a little deeper look at myself and why I feel the need to roll my eyes and groan as a knee-jerk reaction to these saccharine couple shout-outs.

I've always had the sinking suspicion that I was just envious of these picture-perfect couple besties. Jealousy, plain and simple. But as I did my little dose of soul searching today I realized that's not it at all. It turns out I don't want what they have. Not at all.

My husband is a lot of things to me—he's my level-headed alter ego, my baby-daddy, my partner and my lover and I chose him to be my forever and always. But is he my best friend ? Hell no!

My best friend is who I send dressing room photos to. She's the one I bitch to about that co-worker who said that thing in that way. She supports me through my endless search for the perfect pair of jeans and doesn't scoff at all my diet attempts. I text her my silly thoughts and my deepest fears and she responds with just the perfect words.

I love having more than one person who is my ride-or-die. There are clear lines in my mind of what I take to my hubby and what is more suited for my best friend. If my husband was my best friend, I'm pretty sure I'd drive him insane. Like he wants to help me decide which romper to splurge on for our daughter or hear me "brag" about how good my hair can look on day four of no washing? No.

My husband is so many things to me but my best friend, he is not. And if he were being completely honest, I'm pretty sure he'd admit he's grateful for this.

I've got about a million reasons why my husband is not my best friend. The least of which are these:

- He doesn't get Instagram. He groans at the mere suggestion of taking a photo and you can bet your bottom he won't help me choose the best choice picture for my one post that day.

- He doesn't give a flying fu*k how Jack died on "This Is Us."

- He thinks my hair looks the same before and after my appointment.

- He won't try my crazy healthy recipes like avocado chocolate mousse, zucchini brownies or cauliflower pizza crust.

- He returns my texts and emails with single words.

- He'll never understand the pain of cracked nipples or a ripped vagina.

- He doesn't consider soup an actual meal.

I'm a lot to handle and he does a good job husbanding me, but no man deserves to be a girl's literal everything. It's just too much.

- He doesn't understand when I ask if this dress makes me look "too hippy" and responds that all my outfits look "nice."

- He stopped drinking soda for two weeks and lost 12 pounds. I cannot relate.

- The unspoken rule of "I can be pissed at my mom and rant about her but if you so much as utter a negative word about her, you're being an a-hole" confuses him.

- When I buy a new awesome pair of jeans he asks, "Wait, don't you already have jeans?"

- He can't relate to powering through life with walking pneumonia and an ear infection because a simple "man cold" takes him out for a solid week.

- He once said, "Why do you pin those recipes on Instagram? You never make them."

- He doesn't like to talk on the phone.

- He thinks Zumba is a waste of money!!!!

- Pretty sure he wouldn't appreciate me venting about his annoying habits, arguments and tendencies to HIM.

And the number-one reason my husband is not my best friend: I don't believe one person should carry the burden of my entire emotional life.

I mean, let's share that shit. Spread it out. I'm a lot to handle and he does a good job husbanding me, but no man deserves to be a girl's literal everything. It's just too much. There are the big, important parts of life that are all about him and me, but then there's the little important stuff, the "only my girlfriend would understand" stuff that I save for my BFF.

What I'm trying to say is, it's not a dig at my husband that he's not my best friend—it's a gift. The good news is that I can have both! After all, best friends should be cheerleaders for your marriage and an awesome husband will support your friendships. Basically, everyone's a winner in this scenario and I wouldn't have it any other way.

More from lifestyle
]