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6 Totally Realistic Cleaning Hacks Every Mom Could Use

Photograph by Twenty20

There's this fantastic notion that moms are superheroes and can do everything—including keeping the house and kids clean—all with one hand tied behind their back. I call B.S.

What we can do is work smarter, not harder, so below, I've compiled a foolproof list for keeping your home nice and tidy with half the effort:

1. Shave the dog/cat/husband.

Hairlessness is all the rage. If you can handle your sweet pup or feline looking like some bionic mole rat experiment gone wrong, this can really cut down on how much sweeping and vacuuming you do! Same goes for your hubby. Adios, wiping down the sink!

2. Wrap your furniture in plastic.

Not just for the senile! No more fluffing cushions and scraping goldfish crumbs out of the nooks and crannies of the sofa. This ages-old trick will have the whole family slipping and sliding—what a blast! Your kids had been asking for a slide for a while anyways, right?

3. Stop using your dishes.

Every culture does this (yeah, I know y’all think only country folk do this—fight me). Order takeout from a decent Chinese place once and use those plastic containers until the Kung Pao chickens come home. Steal plastic cutlery from said Chinese place, and understand they will probably be happy you don’t come back for a while. Until, you know, you need new serving ware.

In all seriousness, it is nearly impossible with the amount of hours we are given in a day to get everything done.

4. Wash your kids outside while washing your car.

Do you even care about the environment?! Wash those kiddos using the same time/energy/wax you’re already using to wash your car. Have them stand in front of your car and get both at the same time. Fun for them and two birds with one stone for you!

5. Have a yard sale.

Sell literally everything you own. It is impossible for your kids to make a mess if they no longer have socks/toys/empty water bottles. Enjoy your empty and flawless home with your infuriated family. Bond, why don’t you?

6. Begin showering and using the restroom at the same time.

In whatever way you want to get creative with this, it could really cut down on your water bill as well as the amount of time your spouse takes to use the restroom in solitude. Seriously, is it possible for men to use the restroom for shorter than 20 minutes?! WHY are you still in there?!!

In all seriousness, it is nearly impossible with the amount of hours we are given in a day to get everything done. And some days we all just need to take a beat and turn a blind eye to the housework piling up. Obviously, things will begin to smell, but why did they invent Febreeze if they didn’t want you to ignore your responsibilities sometimes?

Remember: You are still a superhero to someone, and that little someone will remember their silly, fun-filled days with you much fonder than they will the times their house was spotless.