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The Worst Halloween Costumes for Teen Girls

When I was a teen I decided to dress up like a ‘hippie’ for Halloween — I put on a tube top, a string of beads and a pair of drawstring pants made out of some gauze-like fabric, as hippies do. I remember my mom saying to me that she thought the pants were a little too sheer because in direct sunlight at the right angle with mild x-ray vision, you could almost see the faint outline of my underwear. Because back then it was too risqué to even say "panties."

RELATED: Inappropriate Halloween Costumes

Do a search for "teen girl costumes" these days and you’ll come up with a lineup that makes my teen costume look like normal church attire. I can’t count the number of sexy witches and naughty "career" outfits available. (In contrast, do a search for ‘Teen Boy Costumes’ and there are none that are close to scandalous, not a Magic Mike or Hunky Cowboy in the mix.) Here are some of the worst costumes for teen girls I found that are making me nostalgic for my hippie pants.

1. Teen Girls Locked 'N Loaded Cop

I want to make a citizen’s arrest of whoever decided to bring the ‘Sexy Cops’ trend upon our teen girls. This tribute to law enforcement starts off with “With an air of sizzling authority…” and ends with, “…you can kick it up a notch with the footless fishnet tights and handcuffs!” But why stop there? Slather on the cherry ChapStick, crank up the One Direction and go get yourself a fake ID!

2. Teen Geisha Girl

Rule No. 1: Please look up the definition of "geisha" before you use it in a sentence, especially in reference to teen girls

Rule No. 2: Think twice before choosing cultural appropriation as your Halloween theme (That includes this ‘Native Princess’ costume and this ‘Spanish Senorita’ costume.)

Rule No. 3: Do not use the words, “Now to perfect her hostess skills!” anytime again in the 21st century.

3. Teen Firefighter

Excuse me, captain, but it looks like you forgot your pants. I wonder what a real female firefighter would think of this infant’s onesie-turned-Halloween costume? Even though this one promises your teen that she’ll “be smokin’” I’m thinking it just needs to be extinguished.

4. French Maid

Who thought it was a good idea to hoist this sexy costume cliché on underage girls? Plus, we all know teens hate to clean so we should forbid this blatant example of false advertising. This costume promises that your teen will “turn heads when she walks in with her friends to a Halloween party,” but this is mainly because they’ve never seen a feather duster before. (Which is not included, by the way. But don’t worry — that sexy little garter is!)

RELATED: The Sexualization of Halloween

5. Naughty Nurse

The naughty nurse costume, once the mainstay of those adults-only Halloween parties fueled by Jell-o shots and bad casseroles (not that I know anyone who attended those) is now being sold to teen girls. This getup guarantees to “cause your temperature to rise” and comes complete with garters and leather gloves, which we all know is essential to providing professional health care. (It does not come with the giant hypodermic needle though — you’ll have to raid your parents’ medicine cabinet for that one.)

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