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Finally, the trick-or-treating is over, the candy has been
safely sorted, the kids are engaging in top-level importance trading (a Ring
Pop for a king-sized candy bar? Don’t do it, Johnny!) and you are settled in
with a cup of coffee and an iron will to resist the candy temptations around
In the sugar-fueled days that follow Halloween, we are
right alongside you with these thoughts that will cross every mom’s mind…
1. I am so not going to be that mom who freaks
out about candy.
I mean, really, can we all stop panicking about one day of
sugar? We all survived childhood with fond memories of Halloween, didn’t we?
It’s OK to have a treat day once a year—let them eat candy!
Two seconds later….
2. OMG whose freakin’
idea was Halloween anyways?!
The kids have turned into holy terrors and if I step on one
more Skittle, someone is really going to be a dead man walking … I need
to ban sugar from this house forever. Sugar is the devil.
3. I wonder how many
more times I can get the kids to re-use these Halloween costumes?
Let’s see, if they dress up as Anna and Elsa approximately
18,000 more times before next year, maybe I’ll get my money’s worth out of
those outfits! And the baby won’t mind being a pumpkin again next year, right?
4. Was that a
pinhole in that Snickers bar??
Oops, 2-year-old already ate it—man, I hope it was
safe. Do sickos out there really put poison in kids’ candy anyways or did my
mom just tell me that to steal my candy? GASP—was
my entire childhood a lie?!
5. I don’t even
really like candy.
So can someone tell me why I can’t stop my hand from
reaching into the kids’ candy bowl every five seconds?
6. Does anyone
actually make those disgusting Pinterest desserts?
You know, the ones based off of “10 Ways to Re-Use That
Halloween Candy?” I’ve got a better idea—let’s dump all the candy in the
blender, drizzle it with syrup, then drink it. It’s probably the same
caloric equivalent and way less work.