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John spent most of the year fishing, hunting, working and shirking
all responsibilities at home. When he is home, we do our best to fight about
him not being home and how he can’t even just do a basket of laundry now and
then. John and I celebrated our 10th anniversary in Sheboygan,
Wisconsin, because our children used up all of our money for Hawaii by ruining
the majority of our major appliances back in July. Ten years of married bliss and John still
can’t load a dishwasher!
Janie (7), our oldest, started dance this year. She tried
out for the Nutcracker and earned a spot as a snowflake. Of course, everyone
who tried out got a part and the two minutes she was on stage, she sobbed. We
are so proud. Janie is also excelling in school. She studies hard and is the
teacher’s pet. Our therapist says she does this to win our love and affection.
I got a job this year! And by job, I mean, I’m neck-deep in a pyramid scheme.
Justin (5) got kicked out of kindergarten for pelting the
teachers with snacks. This is our third kindergarten this year! I tell everyone
he’s just active and too smart for those Cro-Magnon learning environments, but
I’m seriously worried he’s going to knock over a liquor store by the time he
hits third grade. He excels at sports, but that’s mostly because John only pays
attention to him when he does well on the field!
Jordan (2), our little oopsie, is insane. She
spent this year systematically destroying our house. She peed down the air registers.
Shot her brother’s Nerf guns at all of our pictures, knocking them off the wall
and shattering the glass. This was the cause of our first emergency visit this
year, when I stepped on the glass and got a 3-inch shard lodged in my foot.
At least we met our deductible! Jordan also managed to shatter the toilets by
dropping one of John's hand weights (that he never uses!) into the open toilet bowl.
That, and dumping green paint into our washer and dryer and dishwasher, made an
eventful year for little Jordan!
Because Jordan drives me crazy, I got a job this year! And
by job, I mean, I’m neck-deep in a pyramid scheme. I’m selling a line of really
expensive hand lotions and body supplements. I’ve lost about $1,500 as an
initial investment. But my mentor tells me I’ll make it all back plus some if
I only invite you all to my parties every month via Facebook. This, plus
parenting and John being gone all the time, has led me to experience the joys of
anti-anxiety medicine. I’ve also decided to go gluten-free and I post
constantly about my diet via social media. I don’t even know what gluten is, to
Thus ends another year we didn’t make any of our dreams come
true. Happy 2015 to you and yours!