I was sitting
on the couch with my sister the other night, when she turned to me and said,
“Check this out!”
As she held
her phone out to me, I saw a picture of a woman with jeweled eyebrows—apparently the latest trend, ala vajazzling. I looked at her and laughed, before finally
saying, “Why are women so freaking weird?”
seriously—who decided jeweled eyebrows should be a thing? Or a jeweled
vaj-jay for that matter.
So I shouldn’t
have been surprised when, a few nights later, she held her phone out to me
again and said, “You are going to love this.” What I saw before me required a double
take, and a fair amount of Googling thereafter.
hair. This is now a thing. Not just a thing, but a hashtag that has been
trending even on
Twitter, with #dyedpits and #ladypithair now all the rage. Women everywhere
are apparently growing their pit hair out and dyeing it bright and dramatic
colors. For fashion. Or Internet attention. Or… something else.
And I repeat,
women are freaking weird.
I will be the
first to admit, I don’t get it. Apparently this whole thing started as some
sort of feminist movement. Time
Magazine interviewed the woman being credited for starting it all, Roxie
Hunt of Seattle, and she says, “By having hairy pits, I am exercising my right
to make my own choices about my own body.”
Let’s be real—dyeing that hair has got to be more time-intensive than simply shaving, right?
I sort of get
that. Maybe. I mean, women shaving their pits only started in the last century,
and it is arguably something that is done for the enticement of men. So I kind
of get how some empowered feminist might decide to be done with her razor in an
attempt to show she shouldn’t have to change anything about her body to be
deemed sexy. But why then go dye it bright colors in an attempt to stand out
like a peacock. I mean, who is that
for? And let’s be real—dyeing that hair has got to be more time-intensive
than simply shaving, right? So is the point really about feminism? Or is it more about standing out and doing something weird
in the name of becoming Internet famous?
If I’m missing
something here, please, by all means, explain it to me.
For my part
though, I’m a big fan of removing the body hair. Not because society tells me I
have to, but because I just prefer my hairless pits. And I can back that up as
being a true and legitimate statement, because I have been single for quite
some time now. And I live in Alaska, where no one ever sees my pits. So when I
shave every few days, it is clearly just for me.
Still, I kind
of wanted to see what all the fuss was about. So after a few more giggles, my
sister and I pulled out the sharpie and did me up fancy style—as is now all
the rage. No, it’s not the same. Because I wasn’t going to dedicate the next
month to growing out my armpit hair for this cause. But, you get the point.
These are my
armpits, on neon.
It turns out, I like my pits hairless and flesh-toned, which is
probably a good thing, because where does this end? Is the next step facial
hair? Should I stop waxing my upper lip today, in anticipation of the hot pink
peach fuzz I could have tomorrow?