My son has strep throat in his butt. Nasty right? It’s
called anal strep. I didn’t even know your butt could get strep throat. Worst part? my husband got strep, too. Fortunately, his stayed in his
Despite my husband’s fever and swollen glands, I think he
got pretty lucky in the whole strep takedown of my household. If you’ve ever
had strep you know it’s pretty painful. The thought of having it in your... well
let’s just say the throat kind sounds pretty good in comparison.
With the help of antibiotics, both my son and husband are
feeling much better. I made sure to wash my hands about 4,000 times and got out of this round of household ailments unscathed.
But I haven’t always been so lucky, and no parent is. That’s
because children are walking petri dishes who take the sharing lesson they
learn in school as proof that they should share all their weird, random, you-have-to-Google-it-to-believe it ailments with us. And if you think anal strep is the worst
ailment you’ve heard of passed on from kid to parent, brace yourself. There are a
ton of ailments far worse that you can get from your kids.
The Weird Ailments I
Got From My Kids
are tiny little mites that burrow themselves under you skin and have a bunch of
babies in your skin who will then go on to bite the heck out of you, all over
you. What’s even more amazing is you can’t see them and you don’t know you have
them for weeks on end. You only get
them from human contact, like hugging. So when my kid got them, our whole house got them. The only way we
figured out what they were was by figuring out what they weren’t! Total
When I say to my kids, “You’re giving me a headache,” I’m not kidding. They are.
If you’re a parent, you’re in for more than your share of pounding headaches and
infected sinuses, all a gift from your children. I’ve had at least a dozen
sinus infections since becoming a mom. When I say to my kids, “You’re giving me
a headache,” I’m not kidding. They are.
When my son
came home from summer camp, itching his head like it was covered in
something, I realized it was covered in something. Some kind pal at camp let
his lice hop on over to my kid’s head. Great news, the rest of us got it
too! And the super fun thing about your
kid getting lice is you have to get every rug, pillow, comforter and piece of
clothing that has touched your child cleaned.
My poor kid had things coming out of all
ends, so I hugged and held him until he felt better. A day later, I had stuff coming out of all
ends. The only good news was how baggy my
jeans were after that random stomach flu.
There’s nothing like a burning sensation
in your eye and it covered in gunk to make you thank you kid for not washing
his hands carefully after he touched his eye and then touched you. The medicine
works fast, but boy does pink eye hurt until it does.
The Weird Ailments
You Can Expect to Get From Your Kids
Hand, Foot and Mouth
Expect a fever, blisters in
your mouth and a skin rash!
worms here. Just a fungus that gives you a horrible rash that can last for
Who wouldn’t want little
white worms that hatch their eggs in your intestine and then travel down to
your tush to hang out? Everyone. That’s who.
Your kids will come home with a burning,
itchy rash that will cover any body part they touch and they’ll undoubtedly
give it to you.
Your body will be covered in painful, itchy
scabs and you’ll realize why parents of young kids try to get their kids
infected as children when it’s less painful.
all-around doozy of a virus that can give you anything from pink eye to a
respiratory infection. What fun!
It’s diarrhea so intense you can die from it!
few days of a super high fever, you’ll get a crazy rash all over your body.
Best thing? No treatment.
And if your kids don’t give you mites that burrow under your
skin, viruses that give you fevers and rashes that make you itch like crazy,
they will definitely give you a few gray hairs. Maybe next time, the kids can just get you a card.