They say the
two's are terrible. We've all heard it. "Watch out!" Other parents will warn.
"That's just the start of the terrible two's," they say, as your kid writhes on
the floor in the middle of some epic fit.
around kids my whole life, so I pretty much knew what to expect. Yes, the two's
are terrible. But they are also kind of wonderful and exciting at the same
time. All this growth and change and learning that happens in such a short
period—no wonder kids this age have a short fuse. Their little minds and
bodies are going through a lot! But watching them become tiny little versions
of the people they will eventually grow to be is kind of fascinating to me. So
much so, that I think this might be my favorite age so far.
Still, with my
own little bug now just two weeks away from turning 2, I'm starting to realize
there is more to this whole terrible-two's thing than I ever realized before. And
as much as I love her, there are some ways in which my little girl has truly
been living up to the terrible hype.
1. She hid poop in my dryer
That's not a joke. I
opened it up one day to pull a load of laundry out, and a fresh nugget came
with it. My little diaper digger had decided to stash a surprise in my coveted
front loader. Not cool.
2. She launches into these tantrums without warning
She screams so loudly that I have worried—on more than one occasion—about the neighbors calling the cops. I swear, I'm not beating her.
3. She may be beating me, though. Seriously.
doesn't matter how many timeouts or serious chats we have had, as soon as she
starts fit throwing, she also starts throwing punches. If you see me with a
black eye, I swear, my toddler did it.
4. She throws food on the ground and looks me dead
in the eye when she does it
A challenge I am never quite sure how to respond
5. She wanders through the house pulling everything
out of drawers
She is far more interested in making sure
every last pair of my underwear is on the floor than in playing with her dolly.
6. She wants to watch the same movie. Over and over
and over again.
And I really wish she would just Let It Go...
7. She has discovered the art of going limp noodle
when I try to pick her up, just for fun.
And I nearly drop her every single
8. She has all this beautiful hair and absolutely
zero patience for my attempts to do anything at all with it.
9. She constantly wants me to pick her up, spin her
around, give her piggyback rides and run with her on my shoulders.
She is also
35 pounds now. I'm just not sure how much more my back can take.
has the whole potty training thing down. Except when she doesn't.
sometimes I really do think she has waited until I lift her off the potty to
pee on me on purpose. Is that still called a golden shower?
has completely stopped falling asleep in my arms.
I'm now realizing that kind
of sucks. I miss my baby snuggles.
is so freaking smart.
This sounds like a positive, until she uses those smarts
for evil, which happens more often than you might think.
has become a woman of repetition and routine.
If we don't get ready for dinner or bath or bedtime the same exact way, every single day, things get real,
no longer falls for the whole, "Mommy's leaving," trick that is supposed to
make her come running.
Instead, she says, "Bye!" And then she smirks, knowing
full well that I'm not going anywhere without her.
wants to wear the same damn shirt. Every damn day.
I got her this Sesame Street pop-up book for Christmas that had
all the characters featured in various pop-out poses. She loved it. For all of
two seconds. And then, she decapitated them all.
has become quite the little narcissist.
She asks several times a day to see or
watch photos and videos of herself, even mastering the art of the selfie
with my phone in hand.
My once insatiable child,
who would eat anything I put in front of her, now sticks to three main food
groups: Sandwiches, berries or noodles. If it isn't sandwiches, berries or
noodles, reference item 4.
Which is sometimes fun. Until I am reminded that I curse
like a sailor.