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22 Ways My 2-Year-Old Is Actually Terrible

They say the two's are terrible. We've all heard it. "Watch out!" Other parents will warn. "That's just the start of the terrible two's," they say, as your kid writhes on the floor in the middle of some epic fit.

I've been around kids my whole life, so I pretty much knew what to expect. Yes, the two's are terrible. But they are also kind of wonderful and exciting at the same time. All this growth and change and learning that happens in such a short period—no wonder kids this age have a short fuse. Their little minds and bodies are going through a lot! But watching them become tiny little versions of the people they will eventually grow to be is kind of fascinating to me. So much so, that I think this might be my favorite age so far.

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Still, with my own little bug now just two weeks away from turning 2, I'm starting to realize there is more to this whole terrible-two's thing than I ever realized before. And as much as I love her, there are some ways in which my little girl has truly been living up to the terrible hype.

1. She hid poop in my dryer

That's not a joke. I opened it up one day to pull a load of laundry out, and a fresh nugget came with it. My little diaper digger had decided to stash a surprise in my coveted front loader. Not cool.

2. She launches into these tantrums without warning or reason

She screams so loudly that I have worried—on more than one occasion—about the neighbors calling the cops. I swear, I'm not beating her.

3. She may be beating me, though. Seriously.

It doesn't matter how many timeouts or serious chats we have had, as soon as she starts fit throwing, she also starts throwing punches. If you see me with a black eye, I swear, my toddler did it.

4. She throws food on the ground and looks me dead in the eye when she does it

A challenge I am never quite sure how to respond to.

5. She wanders through the house pulling everything out of drawers

She is far more interested in making sure every last pair of my underwear is on the floor than in playing with her dolly.

6. She wants to watch the same movie. Over and over and over again.

And I really wish she would just Let It Go...

7. She has discovered the art of going limp noodle when I try to pick her up, just for fun.

And I nearly drop her every single time.

8. She has all this beautiful hair and absolutely zero patience for my attempts to do anything at all with it.

9. She constantly wants me to pick her up, spin her around, give her piggyback rides and run with her on my shoulders.

She is also 35 pounds now. I'm just not sure how much more my back can take.

10. She has the whole potty training thing down. Except when she doesn't.

I swear, sometimes I really do think she has waited until I lift her off the potty to pee on me on purpose. Is that still called a golden shower?

11. She has completely stopped falling asleep in my arms.

I'm now realizing that kind of sucks. I miss my baby snuggles.

12. She is so freaking smart.

This sounds like a positive, until she uses those smarts for evil, which happens more often than you might think.

13. She has become a woman of repetition and routine.

If we don't get ready for dinner or bath or bedtime the same exact way, every single day, things get real, real fast.

14. She no longer falls for the whole, "Mommy's leaving," trick that is supposed to make her come running.

Instead, she says, "Bye!" And then she smirks, knowing full well that I'm not going anywhere without her.

15. She wants to wear the same damn shirt. Every damn day.

16. She killed Elmo.

I got her this Sesame Street pop-up book for Christmas that had all the characters featured in various pop-out poses. She loved it. For all of two seconds. And then, she decapitated them all.

17. She has become quite the little narcissist.

She asks several times a day to see or watch photos and videos of herself, even mastering the art of the selfie with my phone in hand.

18. She thinks my phone is hers.

19. She actually thinks everything is hers.

In fact, "mine" may just be her favorite word.

20. She has suddenly become ridiculously picky about food.

My once insatiable child, who would eat anything I put in front of her, now sticks to three main food groups: Sandwiches, berries or noodles. If it isn't sandwiches, berries or noodles, reference item 4.

21. She repeats everything.

Which is sometimes fun. Until I am reminded that I curse like a sailor.

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22. She comes up, out of nowhere, at least 10 times a day and squeezes my legs in a giant hug while simultaneous requesting, "kiss, kiss, kiss?"

I know that sounds not entirely terrible, but I'm fairly sure it is her devious way of manipulating me. Which, of course, totally works. Because damn I love this kid.

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