You know what I hate
seeing in my kids’ bedrooms? Dirty clothing lying next to the hamper.
the hamper. Not far away from the hamper, discarded beside the bed or in the
bathroom or in some random corner of the living room. But next to the
hamper—sometimes mere centimeters away from where their dirty laundry belongs.
I can't be the only
parent whose otherwise talented and intelligent kids "can't" perform
this basic chore, right?
In my frustration, I’ve
determined that one or more of the following situations must be turning this
very simple task into an insurmountable challenge for my children.
I say, “Please put your clothes in the hamper,” they hear, “Please put your
clothes next to the hamper.”
Perhaps they hear, “I love picking your clothes up off
the floor” when I tell them I hate it. Perhaps they hear, “All I’d like this
Mother’s Day is to see four pairs of your underwear strewn in a circle around
the laundry basket” when I say, “Just take me out for brunch. Or get me
chocolate. Okay, wine. Just get me some wine. I mean, your presence on this
earth is gift enough, you don’t have to get me anything. Did I mention that
they miss a “basket” with a balled-up t-shirt, it doesn’t bounce or roll back
to them and then it’s just, you know, so hard to get the rebound and take another
That’s not even a first world problem. It’s a “watch
me laugh as the tears run down your face because that is the laziest thing I’ve
ever heard” problem.
taking some sort of hallucinogenic drug which makes them see a hamper that is
10 feet wide. With arms that scoop up dirty laundry from the floor. And a
smiling face that says “thank you” whenever they toss their clothes wherever
the hell they want.
And they take this drug every evening at bedtime. And
right after soccer practice. And before and after showers. And any time that
they might encounter a hamper.
give approximately .00003 shits about whether their clothes are on the floor or
in the laundry basket.
Well, obviously. But this doesn’t explain why they
continue to leave their clothes next to the hamper. Or does it?