A new study shows that over 97
percent of marketers are worried about the
dwindling number of labels and stereotypes they can impose on new generations.
Without a definite and unique way to characterize these
yet-nonexistent fetuses, parents who are willing to spend exorbitant amounts
of money to understand their children will have no more reason to spend said
exorbitant amounts of money. As a result, the economy will cease to
According to the Board of Underappreciated Learned Laypeople
Saving Homes from Itsy-bitsy Tyrants, half of
the 97 percent of marketers have given up and sent in their two-week notices,
while the other half are holding emergency brand-building brainstorming
"Society just can't function if our future generations don't
have generalized identities," said one of the marketers who self-identifies as
a frustrated optimist. "You've got
the tech-incompetent baby boomers, the negative and cynical Gen Xers, the entitled
and lazy millennials and now the recently
reported independent and tech-savvy Generation Zers. But what comes after 'Z'?
Without the right stereotypes, we won't even know how to complain about their upcoming failures."
To determine a generation's stereotype, an underground ceremony is held every decade or so, and an elite league of marketers spin a wheel of adjectives. Problem is, now they're running out of
But for some marketers, the biggest concern is the naming system. After going through Generations X, Y and Z, they're now
turning to a different alphabet with the Alpha Generation.
"What happens if we run out of Greek letters? What then?" said a marketer born as Gen X. "Let's just hope the
human population can't sustain itself that long."
Some parents have even voiced concerns of switching over to an non-English alphabet.
"Not only will our children and grandchildren be behind learning the alphabet, but they now have to learn a second one, too?" said a mom of three.